Chris’s Top 10 Metal Songs of 2006

What a year it has been for me. Without question this has been the most interesting year in terms of my music development. Yes, I say development simply because every time I listen to something new, be it a new band or an already established one with a new album, it becomes a lesson, a never-ending education and a journey of music. Sounds girly but oh well.

So without anymore ado that is sanely necessary, I present you, Chris’s Top 10 Metal Songs of 2006:

1. Deicide – Homage for Satan

Forget the stupid lyrics. Been there, killed Jesus yadda yadda. It’s not even remotely menacing or meaningful (for lack of a better word); it’s just a song with absolutely mindless lyrics. I used to hate, loathe, abhor, detested and other related synonyms Deicide. I thought Glen Benton was the silliest death metal vocalist (I still think he is) ever. The entire album you can hear him belching and squeal like a pig. But who gives a shit? Just listen to Ralph Santolla’s solo and you’ll understand why this is my choice for the number one metal song of 2006.

2. Mercenary – Lost Reality

The brutal Danish biscuits are back! I was a happy demonic bunny when news of their recent album said that while it doesn’t top their previous album, 11 Dreams, it does sound great. This song has dominated my playlist ever since I got it not too long ago and it jumped all the way to the second spot on the strength of the vocals and the harmonies. This is some top-notch stuff here people. Makes latter day Soilwork and In Flames sound like Incubus (they suck big time and all you Brandon Boyd fans out there can shoo off).

3. Vader – As Heavens Collide

I was close to writing these Polish legends off my list when they released the album preceding this. It was horrible. I was blown away when I first heard Wings which in my opinion is their best song EVER! but this plain sucked. When Doc (R.I.P dude) was unceremoniously ejected from the drummer’s chair, he was replaced by a drummer who I felt didn’t capture Doc’s imaginative and downright brutal style. So when this new album surfaced I thought what the heck, I’ll give these guys another go. It was like listening to Wings again. I was blown away only much further and harder. The opening drum and guitar assault of this makes me want to rip every single teddy bear in a department store. It’s that good.

4. Suffocation – Redemption

Frank Mullen may not possess anymore the deep, guttural, demonic rumble that scared me shitless when I was wee lad but he still manages to keep it low enough as opposed to the hoarse, vomit-sounding whisper of latter day Lord Worm (their last album was a big letdown vocally). What’s interesting about this song is that it’s not uncompromisingly brutal like Hate Eternal or blindingly fast like Deicide, it’s just simply mind-crushingly devastating.

5. Gadget – Day of the Vulture

I was never the biggest fan of grind. I love the godly Nasum (R.I.P Mieszko), the one-off genius of Terrorizer (I say one-off because I repudiate unreservedly the latest album), and I dig some Napalm Death. Clocking in at a lengthy 2:25 (it’s an eternity in grind terms), these four Danish madmen pound the listener unremittingly. Excellent if you’ve had a rough day and that My Chemical Romance sound rather pusillanimous (I like this word!) this is the song for you.

6. Zyklon – Vulture

While I read the reviews saying how brutal this song is I was salivating slightly. One of the better bands to have graduated from the school of Morbid Angel, this is off their 3^rd album. Initially, I was disappointed. I thought with a much better production and a tighter understanding of each other they would have upped the ante a little. Unfortunately, no. I’ve been spoilt rotten by all the brutal stuff lately and listening to this reminds me of Pantera; it’s brutal but not quite. Nevertheless it’s catchy and I love barking “Vulture!”

7. Yyrkoon – Signs

Oddly, this song is not even in the regular version of the album. It’s a bonus track off the digipak version. It’s a classic Yyrkoon song: drums hard-hitting, thrashy death metal riffs and features the distinct distorted vocals of Steph. It’s basically—I dare say—an all out “fun-sounding” death metal song.

8. DragonForce – Through the Fire and Flames

Hahahaha! The band’s name itself always elicits a derisive girly giggle from me. How can you respect a band that obviously revels in being goofy, fantastical and bloody fast all at the same time? Screw the respect, just headbang wildly and haphazardly. Old women watch out!

9. Arsis – I Speak Through Shadows

Unholy fruitcake of Beelzebub! For all you people who think that current American metal is Trivium and Lamb of God, think again. Think real hard. Arsis is a two-man band and they’ve put out the most harsh-sounding melodic death metal record of the year and this song is the best of the bunch. The end alone makes me want to thrash wildly and snip off my neighbours flowers. It’s that good.

10. Slayer – Cult

When I first heard this I was thoroughly disappointed. I thought that since Dave Lombardo is back on the skin-beating throne, the drumming would be top class. Marred by a horrible kick-drum sound (it sounds like rapid mouse clicks), Cult is yet another religion bashing, religion hating, thrash ditty that surprisingly gets better with more listens. It’s only the list because I don’t have many albums from 2006 and Iron Maiden’s latest is too patchy at times.

So there you have it. There’s not much variety I know since almost half of it is death metal but this year saw me rekindle my fervid fixation of all things mindlessly brutal.

Till then, I welcome 2007 with the devil horns!

Cornetto Love? Perhaps Blah Blah Bleh

The middle one is my favourite. Nice, um, accent.

"I tried my best and I have no regrets at all."

No, this isn’t about that dude who single-handedly cemented the fate of all Chinese geeks that they can’t sing for shit but rather my attempts at attracting the opposite sex (I’ve gotten some looks from gay men before and it’s really not the most pleasant feeling in the world). This is about a show which has just concluded and declared its “winners”. A series with more twist than Twisties, the show had garnered a loyal following of about a dozen people and all of them were on the show.

Would I enter a contest—a show on TV—to find love? I can’t really say for sure. My personal opinion is that these kinds of shows merely perpetrate the notion of finding love rather than cultivating it. How can any sane, gorgeous, smart and oh so lovely woman, choose a guy after 12 episodes? These guys have to strut, play the fool, entertain like a court jester, charm like snake charmer to win their way into the heart of their desired woman. It’s like how animals want to reproduce. Female peacocks don’t choose the more caring males who are sensitive, they choose the male that can impress them the most. The bigger the tail, the better.

We’ve finally reached the end of Cornetto’s Love? Perhaps. A show that had built itself considerable suspense and enough intrigue to keep most people interested but the grand finale, the shocking climax, ended up being the mother of anticlimaxes. It was humdrum at its most humdrum. Nothing surprised me. It was all way too much and far too little. It’s a show that is both silly and puzzling and somewhat demeaning. Oh yes, there was the obligatory back-stabbing, clandestine alliances, and the gorgeous host who tried in desperation to keep the wheels of suspense turning even though it was flat right from the get-go. She’s gorgeous all right but really, she should be doing something else other than hosting.

One of the taglines of the show was “Play the game of love and be a winner,” or something to that fact, I don’t really remember on account of the absurdity of it all and me watching Amazing Race. But is love a game? Personally, I would never call it that. I’m pretty old-fashioned when it comes to the matters of the heart even though I’m a metalhead with one of the metal of hearts.

Imagine if you’re the “winner”. What are you going to say to people, that I won a goddamn show and here’s my girlfriend who’s also the grand prize? But let’s stop for a while and eat my year’s supply of Cornetto’s. Would you be yourself?

A previous post of mine mentioned that:

I would I guess what I’m trying to say is that 99% of the time I’m very glad that my money is all mine to spend, but when the 1% does happen, I do wish I had a special someone to share it with.

Thanks to Lia, the above is juvenile and silly and I didn’t think it through properly. The meaning was there, it was just worded in the most ghastly of sentences. You guys get the gist, right?

Here’s to the next season. 

Chimaira – Chimaira

American Karate. American Football. American Beauty. Ugh, the last one kind of doesn’t make sense.

What do those things have in common? What did you say? No, it’s not Bush and another gaffe but the fact that the word American is affixed to the front to describe a certain entity that is as American as to what anime is Japanese. When you say karate, you think of Japanese men with their long hair bundled neatly into a bun with their arms and legs poised to attack. When you say football, people around the world think of Manchester United (Yeah baby!), Brazil, Pele, and of course, David Beckham’s impeccable dress sense and girly voice. But when you see the American in American Karate is becomes a new beast. Instead of buns of hair you have mullets and a strong fondness for Rocky Mountain oysters. American Football is of course the only sport in the world celebrated in only one part of the world, America.

But what we have here ladies and rough-men is called American Metal. Quite simply put, American Metal is what Pantera is what Judas Priest is to metal. American Metal is a subgenre of metal characterised by its innate chugga-chugganess, harsh vocals (a cross between drunk and growling) and riffs reminiscent the Swedish Melodic Metal scene and of course, American sensibilities.

Chimaira, alongside Lamb of God and um, Trivium are the current leaders leading the American metal scene. What this means is that these bands have harsh vocals a teenage girl is capable of producing, melody lines that haven’t been cool for the last 10 years and generally disliked by more experienced, angrier-looking and truer metalheads. Yours truly, on the other hand, doesn’t give a flying shit about being true; if I hear something nice to my ears then I’ll say it’s nice.

Vocalist Mark Hunter has probably one of the most annoying voices in modern metal. Every time I hear his voice I am reminded of eunuchs before they became eunuchs. He’s a grown man, six-feet-tall, sports a mean-looking nose ring yet he sounds like a high school girl who took testosterone pills instead of those pills. The music is simple: growl here, growl there, somewhat catchy chorus, rehashed Metallica solos, end of song, NEXT! The biggest problem this album has is strangely their strongest element: the metalness. In their valiant attempt of trying to prove to the big boys that hey, we are metal godsdamnit! and we’re not like Slipknot! they’ve taken upon themselves to be as angry and tough as they can be. Sadly, those moments are few and unsatisfactory. Opener Nothing Remains merely hints as to what may from these Oakland natives. It is mid-pace, with the drummer initiating a tribal groove before the fade-in effects kick-in and there you have it, Chimaira’s transformation from pseudo metal punks to bona fide metal mongers. The rest of the album follows a strict formula that works occasionally.

Somewhat major gripe: When you have Kevin Talley, who in my opinion is the new drum god, you’re not supposed restrain him. He’s a hard-hitting, don’t give two shits, bloody fast drummer who in his previous stint as Dying Fetus’s skinbasher, pummelled the listener while at the same time executing highly technical chops with panache of a bear in a tutu. It’s like asking Jackie Chan to be careful when he jumps from a two-storey building. To him, it’s like skipping rope!

I think Chimaira hoped that this album would be their ticket to metal stardom. Wrong. While the direction they’re heading is the right one, they’ve got quite a long way to go before they can release their own Reign in Blood or Master of Puppets. Better luck next time guys.

Initial Review: 6/10

Current Review: 5/10

In Flames – Clayman

I remember clearly the day I bought this album. It was getting darker by the minute. The bright day was transformed into a gloom that made everyone depressed. The minibus (gosh I miss those days) driver was madder than normal. The lady who took my order of fish-and-chips was acting all weird and moody (PMS can be a real pain). Even the street peddlers who were busy frying deep-fried things were all lugubrious.

Except for me.

That day would be the starting point for my evolution into the Chris that I am now. The album in question is the catalyst for it all. From humble beginnings as an ardent listener of long-dead classical composers, The Beatles, Elvis Presley and a host of other artistes my parents listened to and 80’s stuff from my sisters, I was about to embark on a totally new, and somewhat frightening musical endeavour. I was a chain-wearing, bespectacled wannabe ruffian, “nu-metal” purveyor (nu-metal does not exist, for the mere fact that it is not metal to begin with but that’s another story altogether), bored with all the Limp Bizkits, Korns, and other wimpy bands.

Before I decided to get this album, I did a lot of research to make sure that what I was about to buy wouldn’t leave me really pissed and RM70 poorer. I read countless reviews, comments and when I finally downloaded a song, I was instantly hooked. It was an experience like no other: the vocals were horrid, like a man pinching his throat, the drummer’s pounding the daylights out of his kit but it was the guitars; the melodies, the solos, the riffs, everything, that sealed the deal. I wanted it and I wanted it right now. And the rest is history.

As much as I abhor current In Flames, this album holds a very special place in my metal heart. With dubious songs titles such as Pinball Map (the aforementioned song I downloaded earlier), Swim, and Another Day in Quicksand, I owe my metalness to these songs. In school I was quietly and superiorly smug, I was different from the rest. While they were still drooling over rock infused with (c)rap, I was a man listening to real man’s stuff. While my friends were into hip-hop and easy listening rock bands like Incubus, Hoobastank (stupid name for a band), Papa Roach, in my CD player was underground metal from Sweden, the land of blonde bombshells and meaty meatballs.

Granted, this is the beginning of the end for these Swedish metallers. In hindsight, this is a sub par, hook driven album. It is essentially the metal equivalent of a pop album: the choruses are merciless in their catchiness, the riffs are no more the colourful work that drove their earlier releases now replaced with a desperate urge to make it catchy and jumpdafuckable. It just screams sell-out and is rightly so.

What’s interesting to note is that while this is a downright painful and embarrassing moment in my personal history, it must be said that without this sell-out album I wouldn’t be where I am now. So thank you In Flames, for setting me the foundation to bang my head silly, stick my tongue out, wield the devil horns like a man high on Red Bull and ultimately, the metalhead I am today.

Initial Review: 9/10

Current Review: 6/10

Megadeth – Rust in Peace

We all know Dave Mustaine’s story and its wretched, depressing spin-off, Megadeth. He was a Metallica guitarist right until the point he had one too many drinks, too stinking smashed to do anything cohesive that the other members bade a pitiless adieu to him. The parting was so acrimonious that Mustaine swore bloody vengeance upon the other members of Metallica. Since then a rancorous relationship developed with each band heading towards the same destination but on a different route. Megadeth relied heavily on their music and while the band got more technical, wrote better, thrashier riffs and songs they still failed to overtake Metallica’s meteoric rise and superior dominance. Metallica in contrast injected large doses of classical-inspired melodies and generally had a much more charismatic frontman in the form of James Hetfield. And it also didn’t help in Mustaine’s case that he still kept on drinking like a broken tap.

It was only after Metallica decided to abandon their thrash roots altogether and opted for a more commercial sound did Megadeth find themselves with an opportunity to surge ahead. To finally prove that they’re the better thrash metal band. The culmination of Mustaine’s earlier efforts together with an explosive guitar player heralded the coming of this magnum opus. It must be said that Mustaine’s ability on the guitar is undeniable. He unleashes thrash riffs of the highest order. But his vocals, oh my sweet Metal Gods, for a man’s man he sure sings like a boy about to broach puberty. His high-pitched, nasally, two-dimensional (it’s either whiny as heck or whiny as hell) vocal delivery is by far the most grating, maddening, exasperating, shit-filled I’ve heard in all my years of listening to metal. It single-handedly annihilates what could’ve been a perfect thrash metal album. I have no more words or antonyms to describe the terror of it. It really is bad. Thankfully, if it weren’t for the music and Friedman’s godly solos I would rather listen to the sound of drilling, be stuck in a sampan with waves as high as skyscrapers crashing on my head, have tigers roar in my ears and even pay William Hung to sing than listen to a single, horrifying Megadeth song.

Many will agree that the first two songs, Holy Wars...The Punishment Due and Hangar 18 truly belong in the echelons of thrash metaldom. The rest of the songs border between good and so-so, none of them seem to reach the aforementioned classics’ brilliance. Tornado of Souls while features only one solo from Friedman does a fine job of keeping it together. The next few songs are all right, nothing fancy, just thrashy as heck.

There is no denying that if it wasn’t for Mustaine and his impersonation of a boy discovering Playboy, Rust in Peace could have been in the top 5 of my favourite metal albums of all-time. But as it stands it manages a comfortable but disappointing top 10 finish.

If there’s only one Megadeth you’ll ever want to listen it’s this one, no question about that.

Initial Review: 8/10

Current Review: 8/10

“Whatever is left of me. Whatever I am. I’m yours.”

It's Casino Royale! Not Royal!

When I first heard that a bunch of Americans were going to portray decidedly very English characters in a certain fantasy movie about a powerful ring and little people who don’t wear Nike shoes I was incensed. No offence people (all you Americans, you know I love you all) but somehow English actors have a certain air (read: snooty, nose up in the air, humour drier than a desert) about them that no one has. I don’t have it, the only air I have comes from the south. But I was completely blown away when I saw the movie. All was forgiven. Except for one thing I still don’t quite agree, chiefly why the hell did Liv Tyler have to talk like she was a pseudo ethereal woman dying of boredom and why, in the name of all that is good, is Sam Gamgee a fat hobbit?

Then there was the terrifying-looking Dobby, the house elf from Harry Potter. I imagined Dobby to be like the batty-looking creature from a cartoon. You know, big floppy ears, huge eyes that glistened every time he recalled a sad story and basically looking like a cuddly, cute elf. But when I first laid eyes on the final product my expression was that of a guy who swallowed too many oranges at one go. It was hideous. It looked more like an imp, at first you think it’s harmless and wouldn’t harm you. Think again, it has claws. It has an evil-looking snout for crying out loud! It looked like it was going to drag you into depths of Hell, and make you watch reruns of Charmed for eternity.

So you see it all depends, sometimes your expectations can be shattered into a million pieces or you could leave the cinema with a smile on your face. Daniel Craig is by no means a metrosexual’s man. His face is craggy, the lines as thick as spaghetti and of course, the blond hair which is more brown than anything and is someone you can be friends with. But gosh damn he’s brutal. Pierce Brosnan is too much of a gentleman and is simply not as intense as Craig. That’s why he’s the best Bond since Sean Connery.

This is a Bond that is both soft and cold as steel all at the same time. There’s none of that swaggering stiff upper lip when he orders his martini and he doesn’t give a damn if it’s stirred or shaken. It’s just a very human Bond and a pair of very fitting Speedos. It’s probably the only Bond that I sort of feel for, a man so sure of himself that he needs to be sarcastic all the time so that people don’t make a mistake by calling him short. I also liked the fact that the villain wasn’t a diabolical, stark raving mad psycho bent on world domination. He’s just a darn good poker playes who weeps blood and has a thing for ropes with knobbly ends. Eva Green simply smokes, ‘nuff said.

I must point out that if you do watch this here in Malaysia, you’ll be sure to thank the censorship board for their much injudicious and downright potong steam (mood destroying) snip-happy fingers. And I also must add that the theme song from Chris Cornell is the best Bond song, period.

This review is pretty much superfluous, so just go and watch it now. It’s definitely worth it. I am looking forward to the next one. Till then, I’d love a martini shaken!

PS: German cars are too German, if you know what I mean. There’s nothing sexy about them. It’s Teutonic efficiency at its finest. Italian cars on the other hand are too sexy, lines slenderer than Heidi Klum’s silhouette and isn’t masculine enough. Therefore, Aston Martin is the perfect car for James Bond. It is quintessentially British, sleek yet not silky smooth, powerful but not overwhelming, and is gorgeously mean. What more can a man ask?

Dream Theater – Score DVD

Who would have thought that a band could accomplish so much yet still has so much more to offer? Some bands after a few albums will gradually slide the downward spiral of mediocrity, with each subsequent album being rehashes and incorporating more radio friendly tunes. Or some just fall from grace straightaway, now languishing with run of the mill ideas and clinging desperately to their glory days when they were a bit slimmer and their tummies didn’t bulge that much. Not many bands continue to climb, reach milestones and put out material that still continues to surprise old-time fans. Dream Theater is one of those bands. They have been consistently releasing album after album, going on lengthy tours and still manage to find time to do other things.

This concert was filmed at the famed Radio City Music Hall, New York, earlier this year to commemorate Dream Theater’s 20 years together creating progressive metal (purists be damned) music. The video is par excellence. The many times I put my face a few centimetres away from the TV screen made me feel as though the guys were playing in front of me (cross-eyed is so not my look). The sound is pristine with every instrument ringing with clarity and a bottom-end that never fails to rumbles.

Naturally the setlist isn’t to my liking, which is a given since every fan would have his favourites thus no one is satisfied. I would have liked to have seen more of their less popular numbers but I guess they went for the haven’t-been-played-in-a-long-time songs. The material on board is culled from their 8 albums with a good mix of familiar and rarely played songs. Of course, this is also in support of their 8^th album, the good in its own right but overall highly disappointing Octavarium (look out for my review!) so you’ll see a lot of those songs from that album. The two “new” tracks, Another Won and Raise the Knife, sit comfortably with their officially released material and provide fans like me two more songs to like from them. Another Won is from 1985, the year the 3 core members first got together and I must say that it’s a fun song. The melodies are clearly Iron Maiden-esque, with hints from other British progressive rock pioneers. Raise the Knife is from their Falling Into Infinity (FIT) sessions which has a definite pop sound to it, which is not surprising considering that FIT was their most commercial sounding album till Octablahrium overtook it. The bonus tracks consist of songs that I’m not that keen on. Well that was before, as now I’m enjoying the said songs whenever I listen to them.

All is not perfect, unsurprisingly. The evermore stolid John Petrucci has considerably piled on some pounds but what’s the relevance? If a guy as generously proportioned as Dino Cazares (former Fear Factory guitarist) is capable of jumping up and down without so much as cracking the floor then I suppose you’re able to at least headbang or headshake or headnod. I don’t know but he’s just there, rooted to the floor with his pedals at his beckoning and his vainglorious footrests whenever a complicated run takes place. Mike Portnoy drums standing up for crying out loud! Jordan Rudess looks a little tired but as usual delivers a solid performance nonetheless. I’m also happy to report that James Labrie, the man who gets vilified unremittingly because he sounds like Whitney Houston before she got too hooked on crack, gives the performance of his career. There’s passion, anger, and power in his voice that I’ve never heard before in their previous live concerts. Also, he has opted for a more utilitarian approach by shedding the unbuttoned shirt with a tee with unspecified design. I have no idea why I put that in.

The first half is basically a retrospective covering material from their inception to their more recent output. The second half is where things get a little more interesting with the ingeniously named Octavarium Orchestra providing all the (what else?) orchestral bits. Their presence is certainly felt and heard, as they lift the songs, giving more depth and spirit. It’s not like Metallica when they had the San Francisco Symphony with them, where some of the songs just didn’t come together well, this is certainly one of the better pairings. The Octavarium songs are given a new lease, sounding more urgent, and on the whole not as wishy-washy as the studio version.

But the most important question is whether or not you should get it. The answer is a resounding Yes. The second disc has a good history lesson for all you Dream Theater fans who didn't know much of their struggles and achievements. Like most bands seeing them live is an experience like no other. For long-time fans this is as close as it gets and for casual fans it’s a great place to start. After all, if 6000 fans saw this concert it can’t that bad can it?

Initial Rating: 8/10

Current Rating: 8.5/10

DragonForce – Inhuman Rampage

Quite possibly having one of the silliest band names ever, DragonForce is a force that will leave you wide-eyed, gobsmacked and makes you want to heave your breakfast, lunch and yesterday’s dinner. They play a brand of power metal (silliest name for a metal genre apropos of its silliness) that pushes the boundaries every single time they get their instruments plugged in. This, my friends is an album that will test your fortitude and sanity to the very end.

DragonForce makes no apologies for their brazen, ebullient, and pedal to the metal approach to their music. If they’re going to do something it might as well be to its most extreme they said once. Yessiree, this album has it all and more; riffs and solos that break the sound barrier, vocals that are so high Whitney Houston would be high just by listening to it while the songs are so metal it makes tanks as brittle as wooden horses. It’s like being bludgeoned by Winnie the Pooh. I kid you not.

Even if you have strapped yourself firmly to your seat, right from the start you are pummelled by the musical bombardment and praying for it to end. Your senses are pushed aside and you’re left gasping for air because your breathing space has been wiped out by these mongers of wanton metalness. Opener, Through the Fire and Flames, adroitly encompasses what DragonForce is all about; brimming with extreme confidence in their ability to create mind-boggling, inhuman progressions, and packing more than is necessary that they forget the most important element, the most nascent of things inherent to a composition, and that is the song itself. They go all the way and forget to come back. They sacrifice the listener’s constitution to tolerate such extremity that people of lesser vigour will chuck the album into a darkened corner never to be seen or heard from again. Ever. It’s like stepping on the accelerator of a Bugatti Veyron, the initial shock of gravity pushing your whole body into your seat is terrifying but highly thrilling. You go all the way and the world passes you by in a series of blurry instances. But after awhile you get sick, and even if you could go on there’s not enough road.

I’ve listened to a lot of metal albums, and trust me, I know what I’m talking about. I’ve listened to death metal albums that blast from the first second all the way to the last. I’ve listened to black metal that had screaming and yelling that it became tedious when the 100^th time the vocalist says he wants to kill himself for Satan. But nothing prepared me for this. The first time I played it, I had to stop by the 4^th song. I was exhausted from all the over the top stuff. There is only so much theatrics one can stomach in one sitting. I know of some people who felt dizzy after the first 45 seconds of the aforementioned opener. Imagine what would have happened if they were subjected to the whole song which clocks in slightly over 7 minutes. To listen to DragonForce takes a very strong stomach and a pair of ears made of steel. I don’t know about you but death metal doesn’t seem that brutal after all.

Initial Rating: 5/10

Current Rating: 6/10

Metallica – Ride the Lightning

Riding high on their debut, Kill ‘Em All, they wasted no time in coming up with a second offering. While the debut could be seen as a prototype as to what would become their next albums, it was clear that these lads had more up their leather jackets. The first was unquestionably raw, hoarse in its vocal delivery and basically set the tone for future thrash metal albums. Now with everyone settled in, especially for former Exodus guitarist, Kirk Hammett, and livewire bassist, the late Cliff Burton, provided the band with a whole new approach during song-writing. This new understanding and tight collaboration helped to create a classical tinged, oft melody driven brand of thrash metal. At the same time there were the other thrash metal bands: (collectively known as the Big 4 during their halcyon days), Anthrax rather straightforward, Megadeth still was trying to gain a foothold and Slayer was embarking on a much darker and faster sound.

The sophomore effort of these thrashers saw them travelling all the way to Denmark to record this album and with their new found confidence Metallica themselves produced the album. The sound was atypical of that era; the snare drum as though made of concrete, the guitars wailing and piercing and the bass actually audible through it all. Fight Fire With Fire quickly dispels the notion that they couldn’t write a brutal and melodic song. Featuring a rare, speedy double bass run by the oft maligned Lars Ulrich (he’s a crappy drummer all right but he has a keen sense when it comes to song-writing), it pummels the listener into thinking that the end is truly near. The title track which is repeatedly ignored by fans in their top Metallica songs of all-time, deals with the death penalty. Fade to Black is a song that deals with suicide and it was conveyed in the form of a ballad. Not a sappy, lovey dovey ballad like Whitesnake, but a metal ballad, with driving guitars, desperate vocals and Hammett’s best solo of all-time. They were naturally the recipient of criticism, a slow number in a thrash album is like asking Motley Crue to stop writing about sex and drugs. But they took a gamble and it paid off.

Many of the songs on this album went on to become regular fixtures in their live performances and rightly so. For Whom the Bell Tolls with its eerie and haunting end while Egyptian themed Creeping Death provided fans the chance to scream their lungs till it burst with its “Die! Die! Die!” background chant during the breakdown. Closing it perfectly is the H.P. Lovecraft inspired instrumental, The Call of Ktulu (a deliberate misspelling of the ancient horror because for its real spelling alone evokes despair and dread).

Personally, this album means a lot to me. I remember listening to nothing but this and Master of Puppets for 2 years. While many quote the latter album as their most favourite of all-time, I would say that Ride the Lightning is their crowning glory. It’s not as thrashy as the first nor is it as melodic as the third. It’s the perfect blend of both worlds.

When they were at the top, nothing could have toppled them except of course, themselves. And that was the truth.

Initial Rating: 10/10

Current Rating: 10/10

“Are you watching closely?”

The Prestige

I was very close to be disappointed. I knew beforehand what the movie was all about, who the actors are and what I might expect from the director that gave us Batman Begins (brilliant) and Memento (I need to watch this). No, the reason why I was almost disappointed was because I had to sit three rows from the bloody screen. I was afraid that the discomfort of having to crane my neck to watch the movie would have clouded my final judgement. In fact, I was so engrossed that by the end of it I didn’t notice the soreness until after the credits rolled. Now that’s a sign of an enjoyable movie.

Before I move on, I would like to ask when was the last time a mainstream movie actually made you dumbfounded in the beginning but when all is revealed at the end, you sit back, take a deep breath and say, “Shit, how could I been so dumb?”

The Prestige is just that. I know many are going to watch this simply because of ole adamantium claws, and everyone’s favourite Aussie, Hugh Jackman is in this. But you’re in for a surprise as he gives quite possibly his best performance in a movie yet. Forget about the campy fun of Van Helsing or the for ever cantankerous and never out of a catchy one-liner Wolverine, Jackman delivers the goods as a charismatic and tormented magician. There’s also the incredibly intense and engaging Christian Bale who almost single-handedly revived the Batman franchise after the disastrous outing by the swaggering and cocky George Clooney. Throw in Michael Caine who’s becoming the Welsh version of Morgan Freeman, who gives the movie that light touch to a very heavy script the much needed compassion and empathy. Featuring a notable supporting cast the movie is not short on talent. It has enough intrigue to pique even the most hardened whodunits lover who thinks he knows it all. And who wouldn’t want to solve a mystery about the tricks and secrets that make up a magician’s life?

It begins where it ends. I for one love this method of storytelling; I know the end but how? And couple this with the story being simultaneously told by the two main protagonists, the effect is that it keeps on building and building the suspense till the shocking revelations. Of course, if the plot becomes too convoluted or sidetracks then all is for nought. I’ve watched many a movie where the end revealed only disappointment. The Prestige cleverly avoids these pitfalls while still teasing the viewer’s intelligence and perceptiveness throughout the course of the movie. While it may be slightly draggy at parts, it never loses focus on the prize: and that is to see who can perform the greatest magic trick ever.

It is also a story about the effects of obsession, the ultimate sacrifice, and what would you do to get your hands dirty. What was once done out of passion is now done out of pure greed and malice. Each magician tries to outdo each other, at first simply by trying to replicate the tricks. Easy but still no good. Time to up the stakes. With each becoming more and more successful the dirtier they are willing to learn each other’s secret, the prestige. Bale is undoubtedly the most talented, though not as good selling his show while his dedication to the art sometimes pushes his loved ones away. Jackman is the better of the two when it comes to performing. He is charming, suave and eventually is consumed from within when a tragedy occurs. He transforms into this cold and callous man fuelled by the one thing that has caused him so much joy and pain: secrets. Caine at first appears like any other old man; experienced, knows the trade inside out and acts as the voice of reason to Jackman but he has a trick up his sleeve. Bale is calculative and cunning and yet never calm. In the end you’re rooting for everyone and no one.

The pace is kept at a comfortable speed, with the scenes going back and forth to reveal bits and pieces. You can’t be complacent, you have to keep your senses focused because just when you thought you had it the movie drops another mystifying plot twist. I watched it without wanting to overanalyse it, I wanted to be surprised and slap my forehead at the simplicity and genius of it at the end. I still am.

This is one of those movies where there’s no second time watching it. Well maybe not so soon but it’s one that you have to really think back and remember what you saw. Only then will you peel away the layers, and marvel at the brilliant script. It’s also one movie where a sequel is totally out of the question. I mean, what are they going to call it? The Prestige 2: The Return of Scarlett Johansson’s Décolletage?

You really should have been watching closely…

Slayer – Reign in Blood

The reason why we have metal bands singing about wanting to deface Christ during lunch and why God’s a lady in red with a pink tutu is because of this band and this album. Anthrax was busy goofing around and taking things seriously unserious, Megadeth was trying its best to prove that hey, Metallica sucks because their riffs sucks while Metallica was trying their hand at dominating the world. But Slayer, oh my, they were the like rebellious teen; hair was a bit too long, the pants were a little too tight and the costumes they donned gave rise to the movement that it was okay to wear 10-inch nail bands on your wrists. And Slayer just didn’t give a damn. All they wanted to do was to make the fastest metal record and play it to the masses that were ravenous for some really fast and heavy thrashy stuff. Reign in Blood did just that (before a small band from England by the name of Napalm Death usurped them of their throne) and many have hailed it as one of the most influential metal albums of all-time. This is no small feat, what with bands like Iron Maiden, Judas Priest and the reason for it all, Black Sabbath, who themselves have released monumental albums of their own.

Look, I don’t give a flying toss (or a stationary toss for that matter) but a thrash metal album isn’t Shakespearean poetry, it’s all about thunderous drumming, speedy riffs, atonal solos, vocals that make you wish American Idol was on and enough attitude to keep school councillors busy for ever. Angel of Death kicks things off by introducing to the world that it was a-okay to scream like a girl amidst a barrage of double bass and a flurry of really thrashy riffs. Satan wasn’t as ala mode then but it did get the people talking. Short history lesson, the angel of death they’re referring to is none other than the infamous Josef Mengele who decided to gas people to see if they would die quicker, all in the name of science, madness and the Third Reich. Rumour has it that this is the most covered metal song. Necrophobic is a Slayer song that will leave you, like it’s said in the lyrics, gasping for air. It’s only a mere minute and a half yet it still manages to deliver a brutal punch to the senses. Jesus Saves has a riff so headbangable I have to remind myself that operations for neck injuries are very costly. The next few songs onwards merely go through the motions and sets up the finale of all metal finales, Raining Blood. A staple in their live shows, this song is for people to go absolutely wild to. Never mind what the lyrics mean, just listen to the breakdown in the middle. Bands have taken up instruments just by listening to that alone. I kid you not. And rumour has it that this is the most covered metal song.

But why is Reign in Blood so influential? As we look back, not all the songs are perfect or even great for that matter but nonetheless good. If you take each song and analyse each one by one then I’m afraid you’re missing the point completely. Clocking in no more than 30 minutes, Reign in Blood is a tad short at first but then you notice the genius behind it. Even if it was 5 minutes longer or shorter it would’ve ruined the vibe. Reign in Blood is the best album of its generation simply because it doesn’t pretend to be anything more or less. You could say without Venom there wouldn’t be Slayer. But without Slayer, the metal that we know it wouldn’t exist. And for that, Reign in Blood thoroughly deserves the praise and tributes.

So there you have it, a metal review by yours truly! More to come, so stay tune. In the mean time, Bang the head that doesn’t bang!

Initial Rating: 10/10

Current Rating: 666/10

Declaration of Whacker Inc’s Exclusive Entertainment Reviews

Declaration of Whacker Inc’s Exclusive Entertainment Reviews

All right, since I have the gift of the gab (I think so), I thought why not put where my mouth is into words. I’d like to call this space an extension to my highly popular and entertaining (a guy can dream right?) Whacker Inc. This particular blog you’re reading chiefly concerns my thoughts, a review of sorts, to all the entertainment that I’m subjecting my salacious mind to. Whatever that is written here is mainly for me to expand my writing capabilities and I hope that people who take the time to read will enjoy it or wish me execrated with an ancient depilating disease. At least you read it nonetheless.

Thank you, and be sure to check back for the reviews! Till then, take care!