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Wow.

That's probably the one word that I uttered the most during the nearly 3-hours movie.

I can't help but think of the underlying layer of the movie: that an outsider is able to win the hearts of a people within 3 months. It took me nearly a year before I could come to work later than my official time. And I'm lovable!

People over here will just drool over the insanely amazing graphics (it really does make you forget it's just rendered animation and not real people in elastic suits) yet will never ever know its intended message let alone its other messages.

I really like this article because I think it rightly encapsulates my feelings and thoughts about the movie (I wish I could've written a quarter of what she wrote but due to my limited skills in conveying my thoughts into words hindered any input of the flick. Till now.)

Go and watch it, people. The visuals and sounds are worth it. But if you're planning on dissecting the story like how I did, well, you know where to look if you want to have a talk. Over a cup of hot coffee, no less.

Marc Antoine - Hi-Lo Split

I remember walking down the busy road that is Orchard Road in Singapore and mind was constantly on the lookout for chicks, buildings, sights and sounds and oncoming vehicles. Walking down the road towards my hotel was a short passageway that had trees covering it. I stopped, wiped off the sweat from my forehead and changed to something a little lighter, less pounding on the eardrums. I switched to the ultimate chillout smooth jazz guitar god, Marc Antoine.

The title track of this album is a classic Antoine number; chilled and composed. He even does a duet with himself, acoustic and electric guitar duel! While not exactly Malmsteen in jaw-dropping speed it's still pretty much cool, almost sexy. Sadly, that was the only song I played from the album. You see, the album is good on its own merits, but whence compared to his previous works it falls flat. Very. What's missing is memorability. Apart from the aforementioned, I can't remember anything else. Most of the time it all segues into each other, with the same tempo and temperament. I guess he was trying to get back to his smooth jazz roots after Modern Times, a more experimental album and more straight up jazz.

The problem with this album is that it's safe and rarely steps out of its comfort zone. Antoine is moving with the flow, not once does he veers or goes against it. This is by no means a failure, but rather, a misstep in a journey that was going up and up.

Maybe I expected too much.

Initial Rating: 5/10
Current Rating: 5/10

Order of Ennead - Order of Ennead

It can't be. It surely can't:

Death metal that's, gasp!, intelligent? Thoughtful? Why, it's impossible!

All right, enough of the false incredulity. Order of Ennead (OoE) is basically the coming together of two disciplines: black and death metal. This is not new. In fact, it's been done to death now (pun intended). But what makes OoE different is that they blend the two brilliantly. Also, the other weird thing is that while musical aspect of the band owes very much to the sensibilities of the aforementioned genres, it's the lyrical aspect that is most strikingly different. Normally, you would hear a lot of "Satan loves me and I'm in love with Satan's daughter!" for black metal or "Let's rip the entrails from old women and feed them with special sauce" if it were death metal but you get none of that nonsense here. Instead, if you have retrospective and, blimey, positivity. Yes, you read that right. Even the titles are more meaningful than your run of the mill metal band: Reflection, An Endless Endeavour, As Long As I Have Myself I Am Not Alone, and Introspection And The Loss Of Denial.

But there's no point in having good lyrics if the music is rubbish, right? Fret not, as this is some of the most well-written, well played and hardest hitting blackened death metal you'll hear. You have Deicide's Steve Asheim who blasts through the songs like his ass was being whipped by a thousand demons and is the main reason why this isn't an outright black metal band with a dash of death metal. No, he brings the death metal and he brings them in spades. He's friggin' fast, especially on the last song, Dismantling An Empire, where he literally is smashing his kit to oblivion. He has also slows things down considerably, most notably during the interlude in Conferring With Demons but I always get the feeling that he's not comfortable playing slow, like he's allergic to it.

Kevin Quirion does his best impression of Ihsahn (formerly of Emperor) and slays on the rhythm guitar. His lyrics are succinct; no verbiage or long passages, he just rasps the words with a lot force. The bass playing of Scott Patrick is fairly competent; no Suffocation-like bass wizardry here. However, the real star of the show is the unknown and rather chubby lead guitarist, John Li. Holy smoke from Jakarta that's causing the haze here in KL can this dude rip them solos! If you're like me and you go absolutely apeshit over neoclassical guitar wankery then you'll shit bricks of joy here. The solos here are on par with the other neoclassic wizard, Ralph Santolla, who coincidentally played guitar on Deicide's fantastic The Stench of Redemption. Top of the top stuff.

If you're a fan of extreme metal but are looking for something a little different, you have to listen to this. At least you can tell your friends there is such a thing as intelligent blackened death metal. It'll make you sound smarter.

Provided you have friends to begin with.

Initial Rating: 8/10
Current Rating: 9/10

Napalm Death - Time Waits for No Slave

You know, if you kick dog hard it'll either cower in fear or they'll bite you. Napalm Death does neither. Firstly, they'll bust your ass and then make you eat it. Then they'll wallop your body till it's a mushy pulp.

My goodness. Has it been 30 years? They've been around longer than I have but they're still kicking massive amounts of (un)suspecting arses.

The legends are back sounding a bit more pissed. Screw that! They're back and sounding mightily fucking pissed. It seems that even with the departure of the late Jesse Pintado the band is still able to create a brutal wall of sound with just one guitarist. Of note, there seems to be more of Mitch Harris's vocals than before, which, to me has always added that extra bit of forcefulness. In case you're wondering, while vocalist Barney Greenway barks like a giant demonic dog, his high-pitched banshee-like shrieks just rips.

The band is akin to a well-oiled machine; individually solid but downright unbreakable when together. While this may be a case of "if you've heard this before then you've heard this a million times", as the last few albums are rather similar. But I don't know those albums so I'm only going to say what I know about this one. While a more death metal sound has most definitely permeated in recent times the band hasn't forgotten its punk roots. Riffs are fast and in your face. The bass is rarely heard individually but keeps pace with the guitars. Lyrically, it's typical grind fare: fuck politics, fuck the leaders and other fuck this and that.

It has to be said that if you want more speedy and brutal grind, you can look up bands like Gadget, Kill the Client, Mumakil, etc but if you want grind with a strong taste of death metal and meaty as all heck riffs, you have to owe to yourself to get this. No frills extreme metal at its peak.

Initial Rating: 7/10
Current Rating: 7/10

Heaven and Hell - The Devil You Know

Dear demons and fellow headbangers,

This is the best album of 2009, hands and claws down. Thank you very much.

Hmm, this wouldn't be a Whacker Inc approved blog post without at least a bit of explanation so read on.

Heaven and Hell (shall henceforth be known as H&H) is actually Black Sabbath and Dio. Only guitarist Tony Iommi and bassist Geezer Butler are from the original Black Sabbath band where they are joined by Vinnie Appice on drums and, of course, Dio on vocals. To avoid legal trouble and Ozzy Ozbourne from bitching to high hell, they had to use the H&H moniker. But we all know it's Black Sabbath, sound and all. These "four" lads have gotten together after nearly a 20-year hiatus and this is the result. While the greatest hits of the Dio featured 3 new songs, fans everywhere clamoured for a new studio album. With bated breath, every single metalhead worth his salt waited for this. And the wait is over and by golly does this freaking smoke!

While it's not immediately catchy, after repeated listens it becomes quite apparent that this is a monster of an album. It's a lot slower than expected, which is most the common opinion everyone makes upon first listen. As usual, Dio's sometimes peculiar and downright boggling lyrics can get quite distracting. Take this for example:

Taking till you've got no more to give
Building boxes where you used to live
The word out on the street is no delay
Do it today
Come to the meeting
It's true that we're eating the cannibals

Hmm. It's not something Enid Blyton would write that's for sure. But then again, if we wanted esoteric or soppy lyrics we'd be listening to dribble like Coldplay and its ilk, right? Tony Iommi is just plain marvelous. That guitar tone of his is perfect. Perfect, I tell you and compliments Dio's wails wonderfully. Who could forget Geezer Butler's basslines? Absolutely thunderous and probably one of the better bass performances of the year. Vinnie Appice is dependable on the kit as while he really does nothing special his style and accents flows well with the riffs.

There are only a few things in the world that makes me truly happy, and being a metalhead is one of them. So when there's quality metal such as this you'll probably see me smiling widely and have this rather senile-looking face.

This is Heaven and Hell.

Initial Rating: 9/10
Current Rating: 10/10

Candlemass - Death Magic Doom

I'm not supposed to like this but I do. I really, really do.

Fuck it. I REALLY LIKE THIS ALBUM!

A little lesson in metal is necessary before I begin. Candlemass is a band from Sweden with a singer from the States. They've a very rich history of playing some of the best doom metal for the past three decades. Frankly, I don't care much for doom metal. This subgenre's name itself makes me yawn uncontrollably. Funnily enough, I got into this band because one of their 'faster' songs (in doom metal faster means not dirge-like), Lucifer Rising, made me sit up. This is some good shit! The best doom metal I've heard thus far was the mighty Black Sabbath who inadvertently gave birth to this genre and even then they're not considered doom metal.

I really don't know why but right after the fifth time spinning this from start to finish it dawned upon me that this is not only a damn good doom metal album, it's also a damn good album! While the lyrics won't exactly uplift you (it's called doom metal, for crying out loud!) but the way it's sung will make you grasp an invisible microphone and start yelling into your palms. What can I say about the riffs other than they'll make you wince in delight and start headbanging rhythmically to its ominous and foreboding sound.

Leif Edling, who's the ringleader of the band, is felt more than heard. Don't get me wrong, he may be a damn good songwriter (wrote all the music and lyrics for this) but as a bassist, well, thankfully I can get my bass noodling fix from one John Myung of Dream Theater. Yankee Robert Lowe, while doesn't possess a deep baritone voice like the previous vocalist, Messiah Marcolin (awesome stage name!), still has the chops to pull off low- and high- register octaves. I can't find no fault with his performance. The only gripe I can think of is that Hammer of Doom and My Funeral Dreams whilst being incredible songs, sound rather alike especially the chorus. But that's just nitpicking. I'm so sorry, I knew I shouldn't have. Gosh, I feel bad now...

Damnit! If doom metal can sound this so fucking good, then I need more!

Initial Rating: 8/10
Current Rating: 9/10

Exmortus - In Hatred's Flame

I've heard it all. Well, almost. When most people say they listen to everything, that's mostly a lie. Who the hell listens to everything? I bet you that if you played them traditional pan flute music they would be the first to shoot you with a sawed-off shotgun.

But this is not about these people. It's about Exmortus's debut album, In Hatred's Flame. And it fucking smokes.

Before I continue, I've nearly 12 or so years (give or take the odd year or two when I listened to radio dribble) of listening to heavy music, in particular metal. You name it, I've listened to it all; from crazily brutal death metal, stupidly Satanic black metal to the most sorry-sounding doom metal, my ears have been abused and ripped to shreds by loud guitars, pounding drums and some of the silliest vocals one could ever experience. So when I say that Exmortus not only makes me a happy metalhead, they also make me a pained one. But most of all is that I've never heard of anything like this. Maybe I've been an ignoramus but this is some pretty cool shit. You see, these dudes have combined my long-time favourite genre of thrash metal with neoclassical metal. Yes, the kind of metal Yngwie "I'm faster than a goddamn bullet train on steroids" Malmsteen plays with insanely fast precision on a Fender.

Right from the get-go, these four crazy Hispanic Californians (forgive me if I've gotten it wrong) unleash 43 minutes of blistering thrash metal infused with classical pieces unto the general public. It really is something extraordinary when you hear Malmsteen-like solos in a blackened thrash metal sound. The title track opens precedings with a macho riff while the closing song, Fimbulwinter, sends us straight into the abyss with its ominous main one. It must be said that after awhile your ears and probably your sanity will be begging for this to end. The high-pitched squeals whenever the two guitarists rip-up a solo can be quite exhausting. I know I was, and I've listened to so much metal you'd think my ears would be accustomed to such things.

The past few years have seen a resurgence in the thrash metal scene, which, is a good thing considering the overall metal scene is still being swamped with many a pseudo metal band popping up like bad rejects of X Factor. Bands like Exmortus, Lazarus A.D. and Warbringer are paving the way for thrash metal to come back and reign once again like in the 80's.

Minus the mullets, of course.

Initial Rating: 7/10
Current Rating: 7/10

Metallica - Death Magnetic

Phew! It's been a long time, eh? Without further ado, I'm going to go straight on to the review:

Metallica's ninth studio album, Death Magnetic.

Oright, here's the deal: Death Magnetic (henceforth shall be known as DM) to the tremendously disappointing, nay, downright abomination that is St. Anger. While everyone knows that Load and Reload were basically James Hetfield's foray into blues and country wrapped in a masquerading as Hard Rock, but St.Anger was so way off the mark I thought this was it; the end of it all. The production was really horrible; it was as though Lars Ulrich was really hitting upside down metal trash cans while the guitars were so chuggy that upping the bass on the equaliser would have made my table shake violently. James's singing was truly bad; hoarse and oftentimes completely out of tune. And the less mention of the non-existent solos the better.

Simply put, St.Anger was a career-ending move. All hope was gone.

And now we come to this, last year's "comeback" album. Of course, it's not fair to say that this is a comeback album ala Take That or Gayzone, whoops, Boyzone, because the boys didn't go anywhere. Instead, they embarked on tour after tour, with the newest addition to the band, bassist Robert "Look, Ma! I'm a spider!" Trujillo.

The key thing here is patience. A whole 70 minutes worth of it. The songs are long, some a tad bit too long for its own good, like Cyanide and the meandering instrumental, Suicide & Redemption (I know it ain't no The Call of Ktulu II, but at least do something a bit more interesting instead of playing the same 3 riffs ad nauseam). Also, the production needs to be addressed. I have an okay/not okay relationship with it. On some days, I actually kind of like it. Sometimes the horrible clipping and the loudness (it is friggin' loud) reminds me of fingernails scratching a black board.

Surprisingly, Lars delivers--by his standards--a solid performance. I'm no drummer, but what's with the abandonment of the ride cymbal? Tsk, tsk. And there's double bass! Whoop-dee-doo!

Overall, I have to admit to this: I like the album. A lot. I thought I was going to hate it but the Metallica boys have managed to exceed all my expectations. Of course, there are some things I wish they would improve on; chiefly, the length of the songs. I'd much rather have short songs that are high on energy than have songs that are 6 to 7 minutes long that tend to meander at the middle. Hetfield needs to ditch the country tendencies as well. This ain't no steak-and-grill-kinda band!

Now where did I put that I CD?

Initial Rating: 7/10

Current Rating: 8.5/10

If I wanted vanity, I would’ve just gone to the makeup department

Ten weeks can be like this, meh?

I kena con liao!*

Yes, my dear readers (a grand total of zero), I was duped. I should’ve known better. The author’s a darn Singaporean, lah!

Okay, okay, settle down. It’s my fault, honestly. I should’ve at least gone through the damn book, from the first page all the way to the last, before purchasing it. But I didn’t, obviously. I just took a cursory glance and that was it, thinking that I got a good deal.

I hate being wrong and poorer-er.

This book shows you how to lose weight and build the perfect body in—yes, you guessed it—10 body torturing, mind screwing, butt hurting weeks. I think. Anyway, the author is a former wushu world champion and as such, is fitter than the trainers in my gym. Combined. Not too mention also that the dude’s vainer (got such word, meh? Spellcheck didn’t show its squiggly red line, so…) than a group of wannabe Chinese girls who think showing non-existent cleavage is a turn-on for us males. It’s existent cleavage that we want to see!

And now back to the review. Ah, yes, probably the most lacking aspect of this book would be the exercises one needs to perform in order to have the body of a Roman warrior with serious shorts. Sure, there are pictorials showing you what and how to do the exercises but the problem is that he doesn’t tell what it’s for. Like, for instance, the bench press. We all know what a bench press is but do we really know its true purpose? He doesn’t provide a breakdown on which exercise works which muscle. It’s a shame, really, since newbies to the world of keeping in shape and wearing tight tights won’t know shit.

This book is half autobiographical and half whatever. At the end of the book, the author goes about telling us why he did that, why he didn’t do that and why fried chicken scares him into unleashing 665 (one more and he’ll have an exorcism) push-ups after consuming a single chicken wing. The language used is straight to the point, no fancy words except the terms used to describe a silly stance. It’s definitely more of a showcase rather than an educational book.

For the casual dude whose idea of working out is to be on the treadmill for 25 minutes and lift 15 pounds, this book and its tips would prove to be immensely difficult—nay, fucking difficult. IMO, this book is for the more advanced gym rat. I’ve been working out for the last 3 months and I still struggle like a cow up a steep slope trying to execute some of the more advanced moves. Must be the tight tights…

I highly recommend getting this book from Kevin Zahri, Fitness 24/7. If you’re Asian and living in food heaven Malaysia (Singapore don’t count, muahaha!), this book is for you. The writing’s a lot better (barring a few grammatical and misspellings here and there), the pictures whilst not as clear with some of them being rather dark are more informative and for almost the same price, it is also a much, much better buy.

Now if you’ll excuse, I’m going to do some push-ups.

* I knea con liao = I got conned, big time!

The Music of 2007

All right, onto the good stuff first, shall we?

Album of the Year (Metal):

1. Chimaira – Resurrection
2. Sigh – Hangman’s Hymn
3. Odious Mortem – Cryptic Implosion
4. Dark Tranquillity – Fiction
5. Dying Fetus – War of Attrition
6. Aborted – A Methodical Overture

Album Disappointments (some of these are utter bummers):

1. Machine Head – The Blackening
• This is by far the most disappointing album I’ve heard. Ever. This is a stinker of the highest order. I can’t believe how Robb Flynn and co managed to come up with such trite and hopeless songs.
2. Nile – Ithyphallic
• What do you get when you have 4 white guys playing Egyptian-themed brutal death metal? You get Nile. What happens when you put 4 white guys and have them come up with an incredibly feeble and pedestrian follow-up to a rather good album? You get this album.
3. Dream Theater – Systematic Chaos
• Oh, my lordy. This is by no means a bad album, but rather, it’s a terribly disappointing one. It has the makings of a truly special album but Mike Portnoy (I name him the main culprit simply because his influence on the band’s sound and direction is growing tremendously) contrives to come up with some pretty banal stuff.
4. Naglfar – Harvest
• The songs are insipid and lack a certain sense of evil unlike their previous album, Pariah, which had it in abundance. And the horrible production mars this further by making everything sound like the haze in Malaysia.
5. Susperia – Cut From Stone
• My fiends, this is how to not make a follow-up to an incredible album. This album has everything stamped with mediocrity and sterility.
6. Behemoth – The Apostasy
• Nergal once again tries to be more brutal than a pack of chickens running wild in a corn field. This is where brutality for the sake of brutality backfires.

Song of the Year (Metal):

1. Iced Earth – Framing Armageddon
• It’s fast. It’s heavy. It’s catchier than getting a cold in Alaska. This is THE song of 2007.
2. Chimaira – Resurrection
• Coming in a close second, Chimaira at long last unleash a song that shows what they’re truly capable of.
3. Black Sabbath – The Devil Cried
• Four words: Dio, Iommi, Butler, Appice. ‘Nuff said.
4. Helloween – Kill It
• These crazy Germans have done it again. Actually, I don’t know what they did but it seems to be working. Especially on this. Horrendous lyrics, though.
5. Odious Mortem – The Endless Regression of Mind
• Hands down, this has got one of the best death metal solos I’ve heard in a long time.
6. Dark Tranquillity – Focus Shift
• An atypical song from the lads from IKEA land. But it sure as heck rocks!
7. Sigh – Introitus/Kyrie
• Probably the most maniacal-sounding black metal vocals I’ve heard. And to think the dude eats sushi and then sings and…nevermind…
8. Apocalyptica – I’m Not Jesus
• It’s not what you think. Heck, it’s not what you think it isn’t either.
9. The Arcane Order – Infinite Ghost Anathema
• On first listen, you’ll think, hmm, where have I heard this before? The genre has been done to death but these lads have pulled together a top notch death/thrash song with enough élan to wipe a baby’s bottom.
10. Dominici – A New Hope
• The solo at the end is simply magnificent. Highly and criminally underrated.

Other Albums That Really Impressed Me (And I’m the kind of person that doesn’t get impressed easily):

1. Alter Bridge – Blackbird

o Seriously, this is the best rock album I’ve heard in a long, long time. It has everything; great vocals, great drumming, great riffs, and most importantly: great songs.

2. Porcupine Tree – Fear of a Blank Planet

o The band with one of the funniest-sounding band names, led by the ingenious Steven Wilson, once again proves they are the best progrock band currently.

3. Norah Jones – Not Too Late

o Like fine wine, Ms. Jones gets better. But only a little. She still sings way too breathy at times and her country-tinged ditties make me want to break out in line dance.

4. Michael Bublé – Call Me Irresponsible

Honourable Mentions (Basically these are songs that really impressed me but came out in different years):

1. Gorgoroth – Wound Upon Wound (2006)

o I used to think that black metal sucks. I still do. But not this band. It’s fast, full of hate and is downright fun! Last count in my iPod was 26 times it played. It took only 3 months. It’s that bloody good.

2. Estradasphere – Smuggled Mutation (2006)

o A beautifully savage beast of a ditty. It’ll make you smile benignly one minute and the next you’ll headbang wildly. Even if you have no hair.

3. Dream Theater – To Live Forever (1991 & 1994)

o There are two versions to this song but they’re the same, only the production differs. But they do have one thing in common: they both rule.

4. Arsis – The Face of My Innocence (2004)

o This song absolutely crushes. It’s not terribly fast but it’ll make your head spin with its tempo changes and jackhammer drumming.

5. Vanessa Mae - I'm A-doun For Lack O' Johnnie (A Little Scottish Fantasy)

o Heard this way back when it first came out. But it was only this year I decided to download get it. One word: Superb.

And there you have it. 2007 is pretty much the best year for music, personally.

Till the next time, laters!

Soothing Sounds of Music: Part 1

Some people take it out on a brat with a snotty face and a bad attitude. Some people use their cars as weapons of terror to bully other drivers. Others take up gardening, saying that pulling out weeds and seeing their flowers bloom right before their eyes sends them to their happy place. Painting has that same effect but for the life of me, I don’t get artists and their paintings where a stroke here means their consciousness discovered tranquillity while a flick there means their brains were about to explode and splatter all over the canvas to create a masterpiece but wait! There it is—a stroke of genius!

To alleviate stress, nothing sets my heart to beat at a normal rate faster than music (see the pun?). So I present to you “Chris’s Top 10 Songs That Make Chris Go to His Happy Place (where he extirpates the entire bunny race)”. In no particular order:

Dream Theater – Hell’s Kitchen

How could an instrumental that’s a little over 4 minutes beat Dream Theater’s other longer, decidedly more epic songs? Simple. This song encapsulates every single known good feeling during the course of its run. By the end of it you feel as though your spirit has been lifted to a whole new consciousness. Perfect for night drives when you just want to cruise.

Joe Satriani – Up in Flames (G3 Live in Tokyo version)

I had to choose between John Petrucci’s Glasgow Kiss and Steve Vai’s The Audience is Listening. While each song is totally different in tone and texture, all 3 are epics that send me dreaming about the good things in life. But Mr. Satriani gets the honour because not only did he make a great song superior in every way, he does it with sublime prowess.

Liquid Tension Experiment – Kindred Spirits

When you have 4 extremely gifted and bloody awesome musicians, you know that whatever they come up with is going to be magic. And magic they performed. They recorded their albums in a span of one week each and those sessions produced opuses of wonderful madness and intense creativity. This song has everything; killer melodies, awesome basslines, pounding drums and a powerful end. Seeing the likes of these 4 may not happen again. Truly magical.

Marc Antoine – Unity

I have to really thank my good friend Irwin for introducing me to this guy. When I was heavily into all things brutal, the thought of listening to Spanish-influenced acoustic guitar songs would have me reaching for a cleaver. I have all of his albums now. This was the first song of his I ever listened fully to and is still my no.1 favourite from this genius.

Michael Bublé – Home

BUBBLE? AHAHAH! All right, I’ll admit it. I too was guilty of maligning this poor Canadian’s name. But when I heard Elliot Yamin’s rendition in the last American Idol, I thought maybe I’ll give him a try. I bought the DVD + CD live album and when I got home, I played Home straightaway. I felt at peace and it made me appreciate my time with my loved ones even more. Please pass the tissue. I feel a tear coming…

Norah Jones – The Long Day is Over

Not since I inhaled copious amounts of smoke due to the haze, has there been anyone with a smoky and sweet voice made me happier. I find that if I listen to this whilst reading a good book, with the rain gently pouring and if I’m lucky, at night, I reach a place where all the bad doesn’t exist. Thank you Mr. Ravi Shanker.

Porcupine Tree – Arriving Somewhere But Not Here

I first heard of this band from one of the metal forums that I go to. I downloaded it without knowing a single thing about them other than the fact they’re quite known in the progressive rock fraternity. The MP3s were superb and after a while I just had to get the CD. The minute I played it, I was floored. The breakdown at about 6:57 remains one of the most headbangable moments of all time.

Rainbow – Stargazer

What do you get when you have a frontman the size of my grandma, a mad genius with 6 strings and an amp, together with a rhythm section tighter than a tight pair of Levi’s? Why, you get Rainbow! Yet another criminally underrated hard rock band of the 70’s, the Dio era saw 3 albums bearing songs that are hits and classics in their own right. But none are as sweeping or as staggering as Stargazer. It speaks of a journey like no other and when Dio sings, you listen. The pathos of Ritchie Blackmore provides the song with a grand atmosphere.

Whitesnake – Sailing Ships

David Coverdale may have been a podgy, pimply boy when he was indoctrinated into the ranks of Deep Purple, but when he left, left as a man wanting to front his own band in his own image. He always knew he was more of a blues singer but with Whitesnake he combined his roots with hard rock in a band that while is highly regarded, didn’t exactly achieve the success neither the legendary status of his former band. But screw that, Coverdale and co gave us the truly epic ballad, Sailing Ships. If I had a genie granting only one wish, I’d wish I could sing like him.

Wintersun – Battle Against Time

Deep in the forests of Tyr, beyond the fringes of the icy realms of Finland, comes this band from frontman extraordinaire Jaane Nokia with a sound that is described best as melodic brutal folk metal. It is sweepingly epic and it literally reminds me of a time when King Arthur and his knights roamed early Britain, smiting eeevell wherever eeevell dwells. Armour not included.

So there you have it. This list is definitely not definitive as I keep changing them every single day. And that to me is the beauty and power of music. You really never know what you listen next might be your new favourite. Thank you for reading. Now go and get ‘em, cos Chris Said So!

Special mentions go to:

Fear Factory – Resurrection (The ending has that triumphant feel I so love)

Borknagar – Colossus (Amazing vocals and fantastic melodies)

Apocalyptica – Epilogue (Relief) (they headbang while playing cellos!)

Mercenary – Firesoul (Danish pastries + soaring vocals = Brilliance)

Live – Lightning Crashes (A beautiful crescendo with evocative vocals)

Kamelot – Serenade (Cheesy band name aside, this song is remarkably exquisite)

Deep Purple – Soldier of Fortune (Beautiful)

Tool – The Grudge (the build up at around 6:00 is simply amazing)

Boston – More Than a Feeling (Seriously, not even Celine Dion could pull notes that long)

Rammstein – Mein Herz Brentt (Teutonic goodness!)

Arch Enemy – Black Earth

Forget everything you know about melodies, catchier-than-a-pack-of-hyenas-laughing choruses and half-baked solos. This, my friends, is the real Arch Enemy.

Newer listeners, especially to the band’s more recent (craptastic) output, may think to themselves, why on earth is this fellow saying that this is the real thing? I’ll tell you why. Because I said so, mah! All right. That was lame and cheap but it was kind of funny, aye? Anyhow, if you had gotten into the band as early as I did, then you’ll probably understand where I’m coming from.

The two guitarists, brothers Michael and Christopher Amott, were fast gaining recognition and plaudits as the twin guitar wizards to look out for. And rightly so. While Michael was previously in the legendary Carcass, his brother made his debut here. But you wouldn’t have known that. Together, they tear through 9 tracks of blistering, melodic as heck metal. Or to put it shortly, melodic death metal, which funnily enough isn’t really death metal at all. But let’s not get into that, for the debate shall rage on and on and I would’ve run out of tea by then.

The thing about this album is that it’s heavier than heck; with its guitar tone that sounds as though it was made from Thor’s hammer while the drums pound your ears into submission. But the one aspect of the band that got the most flak about was the vocals, No vocals that sound as though a woman was doing it. The vocals here sound like a dog’s bark. A rather large, black, vicious-looking dog. Personally, the dude sounded like a bear. One very big, very pissed and very vicious-looking bear. To many, his “singing” was monotonous and dull. What they did expect? Friggin’ Bruce Dickinson? This is how it’s supposed to sound, not some woman who sounds like an evil 12-year-old.

Bury Me An Angel is by far one of the most crushing openers ever. Mind you, this is 1996 but the production on this puts latter efforts to shame. I’ve already mentioned that the guitars are heavier than heck and the aforementioned proves me right. If you think shouting “I love you” in a metal song is weird, try listening to Eureka. One thing I love about the album is the solos. They are distinct and fitting to each song. Cosmic Retribution even has a Spanish-influenced interlude that throws you off for a moment but when the carnage resumes, you remember why your head feels heavy. Transmigration Macabre is a fun song; heavy and brutal and underneath the rhythm is a pounding, almost old-skool death metal sound to it. Closing song, Fields of Desolation, is by far their best song to date. It’s huge. It’s dark. It’s grand. The main riff alone makes their more recent efforts sound like goddamn Linkin Park. I’m a sucker for a great metal song with great drumming and a great ending solo. This has it all but turned all the way to 11. It’s too bad that the solo had to fade away towards the end. I would’ve been happier than a pack of hungry wolves chomping on a moose.

This is one of those rate albums that when you press Play, you can leave it and listen to all the songs without skipping. Of course, it’s also pretty short. Clocking in at slightly over 32 minutes on the original version, the re-released version bumps it up to nearly 43 minutes. But that shouldn’t be much of a problem. You can always listen to it again.

Initial Rating: 7/10

Current Rating: 8.5/10

Behemoth – Demigod

This album is like eating one of your favourite chocolate bars. Only that it’s too little and is a bit old. I get that feeling every time I listen to this.

When I first heard Behemoth way back in 2002, I thought they were going to be the best death metal band. They are certainly more recognised now, that’s for sure. But are they better? It’s mostly yeses but there are some nos. On the brutal side of things, they’ve raised their game ten-fold. Inferno now pounds his drums to oblivion as opposed to gently whacking the crap out of it on previous occasions and the guitars are much faster now. In terms of songwriting, though, well, let’s talk a look, shall we?

The first thing you’ll notice after the first few seconds of obligatory silence is how clean and clear it sounds. And because of that, the most annoying aspect of this album is the multi-layered vocals. The clarity of the production makes it sound as though there are three Nergals. To put it into perspective, imagine a Nergal to your left, a Nergal to your right and a Nergal right in front of you. Not nice at all, I'm pretty sure of it. For the uninitiated, this may seem the epitome of brutality. After all, since it’s brutal and intimidating to have a dude bark his lungs out, then why not have more, right? Wrong. For a seasoned listener such as I, this merely annoys the heck out of me. And the solos? Let’s just say that the band needs someone who can unleash them with more force because their solos are quite frankly forgettable.

But it is the songs that leave me with a bitterer aftertaste. Gone are the longer, more thought-out songs from previous album, Zos Kia Cultus (Here and Beyond), in its place are songs that focus on brutality and more brutality. I have no problems with brutality, but, in my opinion, Nergal is way too smart to employ such trite tactics to try and jig things up. Towards Babylon, Xul and Slaves Shall Serve are songs that will pummel your head in but by the time you press Stop you’re hankering for more; so you grab your old Morbid Angel album. Memorable? Here and there. But the most disappointing song has got be The Reign Ov Shemsu-Hor. It starts off with some nice tribal beats and the main riff is pretty good. At slightly over 8 minutes long you’d think this is going to epic. It doesn’t. Not even near. It’s overwrought, bloated and mismatched. Brutal bit here, melody underneath it, multi-layered vocals here, and the awful ending with the silly blasting just makes it rubbish. And not even the usage of the kvlt word Ov helps.

Some have unflatteringly called them the Polish version of Nile. I call them the band with so much potential but in their valiant efforts to be very “death metal,” they forget to write timeless classics. Mind you, their material is hard to play and imitate but there’s nothing uniquely binding to it. But to be fair, the blame rests on the shoulders on mainman, Nergal. He’s talented, hardworking and is a pretty darn good frontman. (I’ve seen some of the live stuff and he speaks with such authoritative force you can’t help but want to whack the person next to you if he commands you to.) But from listening to this I get the impression that that he’s holding back.

What a shame.

Initial Rating: 8/10

Current Rating: 4/10

"We must fight, to run away!"

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

It just goes to show that you can’t just rely on old tricks and trite hey-I-think-I-know-this-from-somewhere scenarios to make moviegoers forget that the movie they’re currently watching is actually poorly thought-out, lacklustre and completely disappointing. This is a movie that is destined to be a guaranteed cash cow that will leave audiences either clamouring for more or relieved that this shit is finally over. I think you know which side I’m on.

I remember leaving the cinema feeling excited and truly entertained after the first one. Johnny Depp really made an impact and his eccentricities were such a highlight for me that I even copied some of his mannerisms. Yes, even that running style. It certainly was the role of a lifetime for him. In this, however, his character is reduced to a caricature of the first film. The trademark eccentrics are still there, yes, but there’s only so much flailing and funny faces one can pull to salvage a goner. I really wanted to like his performance but I left the hall feeling cheated.

I hate when films try to be too smart, just look at the final Matrix movie. It, too, suffered from a storyline that got bloated with trying to cram in as much as possible. Haven’t these people heard of the saying, Sometimes less is more? The second POTC had some of the best action sequences in recent times, and even though it was a disappointment for me, it still was somewhat tolerable. This one made me want to doze off. (And I really couldn’t for there was this amorous young couple who couldn’t stop doing things to each other, which further sullied my watching experience. I wanted to murder them.) There was just far too many double-crossing going on that it made keeping track of them a tedious affair. One minute they’re double-crossing one pirate and the next they get double-crossed and the next…With pointless subplots involving Keira Knightley reprising her Pride and Prejudice role only swords and Orlando ‘Where are my elf ears?’ Bloom, the whole movie became diluted with convolution.

Surprisingly, Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa made this otherwise insipid and confusticating movie watchable with his very pirate-y performance. He is what I think pirates would’ve been like: charismatic, cantankerous and inspirational to those around him. Plus, his pirate-y voice is spot on though there were times I couldn’t understand him. The rest were made to look pretty and the fake smudges on the likes of Bloom and Knightley made more fake.

It really is too bad that it has to “end” (the next one better be good, but in all honesty, I hope it doesn’t materialise) this way. This was an absolute waste of 3 hours.

PS: I don’t get it, but please, please tell me what the hell is so funny when Chow Yun-Fat utters the soon-to-be copied by many idiots phrase of, “Welcome to Singapore.” As a Malaysian, I don’t see how this can make you laugh out loud. I guess if he said Welcome to Malaysia instead we would have banned it for, blimey, thinking that Malaysia is a haven for Chinese pirates who strangely love to have baths in little wooden bathtubs.

Vader – Litany

What do you get when you combine a thick Polish accent which leads to a lot of mispronounced words with songs under the 3-minute mark yet is packed to the brim?

This album.

The very first thing you notice (and feel) when you press Play is the colossal wall of sound coming out of your speakers. Then, you sense the floor shake a bit. The glass of water beside your bed is precariously sliding down, threatening to spill its contents. You grab it in the nick of time but by then your bodily functions cease to obey your commands. Your head starts headbanging rapidly while your arms and legs start flailing like a yoga instructor on crack.

There are couple of things one needs to do first in order to listen to this without having to call the paramedics and possibly, the furniture shop: restrain yourself from watching American Idol, don’t see cute things and most importantly, eat something. An empty is the bane of any headbanging session. You don’t want to see the pizza you ate an hour ago come out looking nothing like the aforesaid pizza, do you?

Now sit back and imagine, if you will, a bass drum the size of a small buffalo. Next, with that image in your mind’s eye, picture two bass drums the size of a small buffalo. That image in your head probably best represents Doc’s bass drum because the sound is ginormous. Some say it’s too much and drowns the other instruments. I say bring it on! Playing this album at high volumes produces an effect somewhat similar to the power of a small earthquake. With opening song, Wings, pounding your speakers, your body is left to ponder, when will it end? The answer lies nearly 30 minutes later as Vader unleash 10 more songs to damage your hearing and cause severe trauma to your sanity.

Frontman Peter (possibly the most un-death metal of names) leads his merry bandmates to uncover ways in which to punish those who choose to listen to their death-thrash laden, clear vocal approach (and I don’t mean clear in the Dream Theater sense, only that Peter’s delivery is not of the barking helldog variety) brand of Polish death metal. When you say Poland, you think of, well, carpentry, but these boys pummel you with their onslaught of death metal goodness. Peter’s songs are not meant for cerebral dissection at Mensa parties. This is how good death metal is played: fast, brutal and leaves you begging for more. Some long-time fans have said that the material here is tepid and uninspired compared to their earlier releases. It’s their lost, I guess. I love the fact that I can spin this, and for the next half hour or so I will be thoroughly entranced.

Of course, my hearing may take a severe beating and my neighbours may contemplate calling the cops but there’s no way you can play this softly. It’ll be like trying to bake a cake with a toaster. It just wouldn’t work, right?

This review is in memory of Doc (R.I.P). May your drums batter the Metal Gods!

Initial Review: 8/10

Current Review: 8/10

Sepultura – Chaos A.D.

Whenever I think of Brazil, images of a certain buck-toothed footballer, Rio de Janeiro and its parties, and, of course, Adriana Lima, all come to mind. But the first thing that pops into my head is, wait for it…Sepultura.

Sepul...what?

If you’re a metalhead and if you don’t know your metal geography then you shall your metalness revoked right this very instant. However, if you were to smile like an idiot who’s just discovered the right side of wearing undies and nod in elation to the mentioning of Soulfly, then your life has to end right this very instant. Your death shall be unhurried and extremely agonising. The punishment that shall be meted out to you is…a lifetime of nothing but Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand!

All right, enough of all this nonsensical talk. Onwards to the review!

Back when I first got into metal, I thought that Metallica were the best band in the world. Then when my ears were finally unstuck ala The Matrix, I craved unremittingly for music that was faster, more brutal and at the end of the day, something that doesn’t have James Hetfield going “Ooo!” and “Yeah!” like a country singer. And Sepultura was one of the first bands to really shake things up for me.

There seems to be two ways a thrash band progress with their career: one is to maintain their sound and thrashiness; meaning not moving forward thus putting out record after record with the same riffs (i.e. Slayer, Overkill). Or, you could do what Metallica pioneered, dumbing it all down.

For some strange reason, Refuse/Resist is the Brazilian equivalent to Enter Sandman. The two have different sounds but the effect is the same though Metallica has the upper arm in the catchiness department. Territory begins with a tremendous drum intro, and guess what, the riff makes you want to jump and down at the same spot for almost 4 minutes. If your area has a political election going on, then I highly recommend this song. The incumbents will feel right at home. Continuing the theme of the world is one big ball of shit, Amen pummels the listener with a heavier than thou riff. Of course, it was inevitable that they would go back to their roots and the instrumental, Kaiowas, is the first attempt. It’s a jungle jam, replete with tribal drums and a deep sense of connection with the earth. Propaganda speaks of, well, propaganda, while Biotech is Godzilla is a vitriolic attack against profit-minded corporations who would do anything to sell their drugs. Clenched Fist closes the album commendably but is nowhere near the thrash masterpieces of Primitive Future or Infected Voice.

Chaos A.D. is an album that came out a time when the world was first experiencing the beginnings of violence and turmoil that was getting out of hand, which is now a common occurrence in today’s world. The lyrics are a reflection of that time, it is full rage and venom but musically it as though the Sepultura gang decided that hey, let’s slow things down a little, instead of having a million riffs in a song let’s have 4 so that the lyrics can be clearly heard. Many have called this their Black album, the beginning of the end. I agree wholeheartedly. Much like how Metallica managed their career, Sepultura proved that they could do the same, just as disastrous. This is by no means a “bad” album. In fact, it has some pretty heavy moments. But how can you follow up with something like this? Arise, while not as riff-o-rific as Beneath the Remains, is still a hard-hitting wallop to the face of a thrash metal record. This is by comparison a genteel smack to the derriere.

I think I see Adriana Lima (NSFW-ish) waving at me. Bye!

Metallica – Reload

All right, you can stop laughing so hard now. While you’re at it, could you stop the silly grin? I’m getting redder. I’ll come clean: I was a fan of Take That (Shine is a pretty funky song), Backstreet Boys and GASP! ‘N Sync. I could even sing along to the likes of Back for Good, Quit Playing Games (With My Heart), and Get Down. Then the explosion of nu-metal—or to be more precise, music for the sonically challenged—boomed. I was one of those kids who took to it like an ugly duckling to hot water. I had the mile-long chain stuck to my wallet making me look like an aggressive shih-tzu, the cargo pants that could literally hold a cargo-full of contraband and my hair was spikier than Vlad the Impaler’s pointy sticks. I was into the Top 40 faithfully so much so that could I name—and still can—many of today’s musical artistes. This is all thanks to the country’s premier English radio station which came on air when I still trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with my cargo pants. At that time, the station played really good music. On a bright sunny day, a little band called Metallica with their new song The Memory Remains would soon change my life, forever…

Little did I know that I would to listen to nothing but Metallica for the next three years. Yes, you read that right. 3 solid years of Metallica and maybe just a little bit of Green Day. I was crazy about them. I honestly thought they were the best band in the world and that other bands were merely trying to copy, plagiarise, their works. Then I grew up. And the rest, as they say, is bla bla bla.

After that, I got older. And a tad bit wiser. (I hope so.)

I remember thinking that Fuel (the video was spot-on with the song) was one helluva fast ditty. This is by far one of their better “rock” songs. It is catchy; the main riff reminds me of a video game and it actually has a smattering of double bass from the normally lazy Lars Ulrich. The aforesaid The Memory Remains is also another catchy but hokey song replete with na, na, nas at the end. Marianne Faithful sure does creepy. Devil’s Dance has the makings of a really heavy and dark song but ruined by the lack of bass (Jason Newsted, I feel you, man) and James Hetfield still enunciating his Oooo’s with a zeal only heard in second-rate country singers. The next few songs follow a strict formula of plodding along and going nowhere. While the ideas are somewhat interesting, with a few nice riffs here and there, the gratuitous moments coupled with the obscene length of most of the songs can get wearisome pretty quick. I used to go apeshit over Where the Wild Things Are but now I can’t understand why. Probably because Newsted had a part in its creation thus making it a not-so-sucky song. Is Low Man’s Lyric the weakest song in the album? Nope. Not really. But it is by far the most grating. It’s a pseudo bluesy number that has Hetfield crooning about being a bum and all and wanting a fire to warm his hands. Once again, I have no idea. Thankfully, the album closes with a surprisingly sprightly and deliberate number, Fixxxer. Nope, I did not accidentally press X too many times.

As a whole and more accurately, a rock album, it gets a big, fat OK. Some of the material falls into the category of All Right, more than half in Ugh while the rest are utterly dog doodoo.

The Metallica name will forever be synonymous with producing 4 of the finest thrash metal records (all you detractors be damned!), one thoroughly commercial-sounding but still metal album and the rest of their discography shall be remembered only for their sellout-worthiness. As for me, Metallica will always be the band that has influenced my music preference and to a certain extent, my life, the most.

Alongside the dance sequence of Quit Playing Games (With My Heart), of course.

Initial Rating: 11/10 (I was young and highly impressionable mah.)

Current Rating: 4/10 (Trust me, I'm being too generous.)

Dio's Holy Diver Live and Whitesnake's In the Still of the Night

I’ve refrained from naming my blog post as “Holy Diver Live vs. In the Still of the Night” for the simple fact that if it were the case then In the Still of the Night would win hands down. But this post is going to be about my feelings and what I thought what was done right and what was done wrong.

David Coverdale and Ronnie James Dio. These two men started out as frontmen for their respective bands and are now revered as Gods. Rightly so I say. They have nothing to prove. They’ve set the blueprint for most of today’s rock and metal singing that all they have to do now is just to put out amazing concerts. While I may never get to see them perform (thanks for bringing in Lobo for the umpteenth time!) in my lifetime, thankfully they’ve released DVD that showcases them in concert.

This review of mine is going to be more focused on the performances and the overall quality. With regards to the picture and sound quality, both are superb and crisp with all the instruments clear accompanied with a superb bottom-end.

The Good: In the Still of the Night

This DVD simply smokes. You can see the fervour in all of the members. Naturally, Coverdale is the man people want to see and hear and boy does he deliver. Here’s a man that’s almost 60 yet he still moves around like a man in his 20’s. His singing is par excellence and his stage presence is immense. Tommy Aldrige is one seriously mad drummer. He may be pushing 50 but this skinny dude wallops the drum kit like it was like a big pillow. His drum solo is a must see. No words of mine can do it justice. As a fan, this is the closest to the real thing and it’s the only time you’ll hear me sing (yes, sing as opposed to my customary growling) songs about love and the person I hope to share it with.

The Bad: In the Still of the Night

It’s too short! There’s the case of omissions of Soldier of Fortune and Sailing Ships from the setlist. While I can understand why the former wasn’t included (it’s a Deep Purple classic), I find the exclusion of Sailing Ships to be a sad thing. I so love that song! At first I thought that Coverdale might not be able to pull the high notes of the song but I think he could have. Or maybe he did perform it and he chose not to include it for reasons unbeknownst to all but him. Damn!

Minor gripe: why did they censor the F-word? C’mon, most of Whitesnake’s fans are either old or dry for crying out loud! (I’m old not dry yet)

The Good: Holy Diver Live

The entire Holy Diver album is played in its entirety. For those who don’t know, Holy Diver is regarded as one of the best metal albums of all-time. Ronnie James Dio is still as theatrical as ever (and bloody short too). Nevertheless, I must say that could he have toned down the \m/ sign a bit. He really looks like an evil elf who’s trying to torment Santa Claus. Doug Aldrich (who incidentally is now Whitesnake’s primary guitarist) does a commendable job wielding the six-strings. He played most of the songs note for note especially original Dio guitarist Vivian Campbell’s (yes, it’s the same dude in the now shitty Def Leppard) solos and what’s more is that he didn’t use his own gear since he came in as a last minute replacement for the current Dio guitarist who was injured.

The Bad: Holy Diver Live

Oh my. Where do I start with this one. Firstly, Mr Dio sounds like shit. I cringe every time he hits the high notes. Damn, I got it wrong, it should have been the trying to hit the high notes. This is the same man who gave us Man on the Silver Mountain and Stargazer for crying out loud! And here he is sounding like he has a cork stuck in his nose. The theatrics are just plain silly by the way and the embellishments of “Ooh!”, “yeah, Yeah, YEAH!” just plain sucked. And it also goes to show that while you may have sung with the brilliant Rainbow and the reason for it all, Black Sabbath, no band can sound like them. The guitar tone was too happy-sounding and during Heaven and Hell I thought I was listening to ABBA.

So there you have it. My analysis of the above DVDs. While I’m still seething from Dio’s feeble attempts I must also applaud the fact he has taken RM100 from me just because it’s Dio. My hat goes to Whitesnake. They truly put on a fantastic show and the crowd went bonkers right from the get go and stayed that way till the very end.

This is Chris, signing off. For nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow…