The Music of 2007

All right, onto the good stuff first, shall we?

Album of the Year (Metal):

1. Chimaira – Resurrection
2. Sigh – Hangman’s Hymn
3. Odious Mortem – Cryptic Implosion
4. Dark Tranquillity – Fiction
5. Dying Fetus – War of Attrition
6. Aborted – A Methodical Overture

Album Disappointments (some of these are utter bummers):

1. Machine Head – The Blackening
• This is by far the most disappointing album I’ve heard. Ever. This is a stinker of the highest order. I can’t believe how Robb Flynn and co managed to come up with such trite and hopeless songs.
2. Nile – Ithyphallic
• What do you get when you have 4 white guys playing Egyptian-themed brutal death metal? You get Nile. What happens when you put 4 white guys and have them come up with an incredibly feeble and pedestrian follow-up to a rather good album? You get this album.
3. Dream Theater – Systematic Chaos
• Oh, my lordy. This is by no means a bad album, but rather, it’s a terribly disappointing one. It has the makings of a truly special album but Mike Portnoy (I name him the main culprit simply because his influence on the band’s sound and direction is growing tremendously) contrives to come up with some pretty banal stuff.
4. Naglfar – Harvest
• The songs are insipid and lack a certain sense of evil unlike their previous album, Pariah, which had it in abundance. And the horrible production mars this further by making everything sound like the haze in Malaysia.
5. Susperia – Cut From Stone
• My fiends, this is how to not make a follow-up to an incredible album. This album has everything stamped with mediocrity and sterility.
6. Behemoth – The Apostasy
• Nergal once again tries to be more brutal than a pack of chickens running wild in a corn field. This is where brutality for the sake of brutality backfires.

Song of the Year (Metal):

1. Iced Earth – Framing Armageddon
• It’s fast. It’s heavy. It’s catchier than getting a cold in Alaska. This is THE song of 2007.
2. Chimaira – Resurrection
• Coming in a close second, Chimaira at long last unleash a song that shows what they’re truly capable of.
3. Black Sabbath – The Devil Cried
• Four words: Dio, Iommi, Butler, Appice. ‘Nuff said.
4. Helloween – Kill It
• These crazy Germans have done it again. Actually, I don’t know what they did but it seems to be working. Especially on this. Horrendous lyrics, though.
5. Odious Mortem – The Endless Regression of Mind
• Hands down, this has got one of the best death metal solos I’ve heard in a long time.
6. Dark Tranquillity – Focus Shift
• An atypical song from the lads from IKEA land. But it sure as heck rocks!
7. Sigh – Introitus/Kyrie
• Probably the most maniacal-sounding black metal vocals I’ve heard. And to think the dude eats sushi and then sings and…nevermind…
8. Apocalyptica – I’m Not Jesus
• It’s not what you think. Heck, it’s not what you think it isn’t either.
9. The Arcane Order – Infinite Ghost Anathema
• On first listen, you’ll think, hmm, where have I heard this before? The genre has been done to death but these lads have pulled together a top notch death/thrash song with enough élan to wipe a baby’s bottom.
10. Dominici – A New Hope
• The solo at the end is simply magnificent. Highly and criminally underrated.

Other Albums That Really Impressed Me (And I’m the kind of person that doesn’t get impressed easily):

1. Alter Bridge – Blackbird

o Seriously, this is the best rock album I’ve heard in a long, long time. It has everything; great vocals, great drumming, great riffs, and most importantly: great songs.

2. Porcupine Tree – Fear of a Blank Planet

o The band with one of the funniest-sounding band names, led by the ingenious Steven Wilson, once again proves they are the best progrock band currently.

3. Norah Jones – Not Too Late

o Like fine wine, Ms. Jones gets better. But only a little. She still sings way too breathy at times and her country-tinged ditties make me want to break out in line dance.

4. Michael Bublé – Call Me Irresponsible

Honourable Mentions (Basically these are songs that really impressed me but came out in different years):

1. Gorgoroth – Wound Upon Wound (2006)

o I used to think that black metal sucks. I still do. But not this band. It’s fast, full of hate and is downright fun! Last count in my iPod was 26 times it played. It took only 3 months. It’s that bloody good.

2. Estradasphere – Smuggled Mutation (2006)

o A beautifully savage beast of a ditty. It’ll make you smile benignly one minute and the next you’ll headbang wildly. Even if you have no hair.

3. Dream Theater – To Live Forever (1991 & 1994)

o There are two versions to this song but they’re the same, only the production differs. But they do have one thing in common: they both rule.

4. Arsis – The Face of My Innocence (2004)

o This song absolutely crushes. It’s not terribly fast but it’ll make your head spin with its tempo changes and jackhammer drumming.

5. Vanessa Mae - I'm A-doun For Lack O' Johnnie (A Little Scottish Fantasy)

o Heard this way back when it first came out. But it was only this year I decided to download get it. One word: Superb.

And there you have it. 2007 is pretty much the best year for music, personally.

Till the next time, laters!

Soothing Sounds of Music: Part 1

Some people take it out on a brat with a snotty face and a bad attitude. Some people use their cars as weapons of terror to bully other drivers. Others take up gardening, saying that pulling out weeds and seeing their flowers bloom right before their eyes sends them to their happy place. Painting has that same effect but for the life of me, I don’t get artists and their paintings where a stroke here means their consciousness discovered tranquillity while a flick there means their brains were about to explode and splatter all over the canvas to create a masterpiece but wait! There it is—a stroke of genius!

To alleviate stress, nothing sets my heart to beat at a normal rate faster than music (see the pun?). So I present to you “Chris’s Top 10 Songs That Make Chris Go to His Happy Place (where he extirpates the entire bunny race)”. In no particular order:

Dream Theater – Hell’s Kitchen

How could an instrumental that’s a little over 4 minutes beat Dream Theater’s other longer, decidedly more epic songs? Simple. This song encapsulates every single known good feeling during the course of its run. By the end of it you feel as though your spirit has been lifted to a whole new consciousness. Perfect for night drives when you just want to cruise.

Joe Satriani – Up in Flames (G3 Live in Tokyo version)

I had to choose between John Petrucci’s Glasgow Kiss and Steve Vai’s The Audience is Listening. While each song is totally different in tone and texture, all 3 are epics that send me dreaming about the good things in life. But Mr. Satriani gets the honour because not only did he make a great song superior in every way, he does it with sublime prowess.

Liquid Tension Experiment – Kindred Spirits

When you have 4 extremely gifted and bloody awesome musicians, you know that whatever they come up with is going to be magic. And magic they performed. They recorded their albums in a span of one week each and those sessions produced opuses of wonderful madness and intense creativity. This song has everything; killer melodies, awesome basslines, pounding drums and a powerful end. Seeing the likes of these 4 may not happen again. Truly magical.

Marc Antoine – Unity

I have to really thank my good friend Irwin for introducing me to this guy. When I was heavily into all things brutal, the thought of listening to Spanish-influenced acoustic guitar songs would have me reaching for a cleaver. I have all of his albums now. This was the first song of his I ever listened fully to and is still my no.1 favourite from this genius.

Michael Bublé – Home

BUBBLE? AHAHAH! All right, I’ll admit it. I too was guilty of maligning this poor Canadian’s name. But when I heard Elliot Yamin’s rendition in the last American Idol, I thought maybe I’ll give him a try. I bought the DVD + CD live album and when I got home, I played Home straightaway. I felt at peace and it made me appreciate my time with my loved ones even more. Please pass the tissue. I feel a tear coming…

Norah Jones – The Long Day is Over

Not since I inhaled copious amounts of smoke due to the haze, has there been anyone with a smoky and sweet voice made me happier. I find that if I listen to this whilst reading a good book, with the rain gently pouring and if I’m lucky, at night, I reach a place where all the bad doesn’t exist. Thank you Mr. Ravi Shanker.

Porcupine Tree – Arriving Somewhere But Not Here

I first heard of this band from one of the metal forums that I go to. I downloaded it without knowing a single thing about them other than the fact they’re quite known in the progressive rock fraternity. The MP3s were superb and after a while I just had to get the CD. The minute I played it, I was floored. The breakdown at about 6:57 remains one of the most headbangable moments of all time.

Rainbow – Stargazer

What do you get when you have a frontman the size of my grandma, a mad genius with 6 strings and an amp, together with a rhythm section tighter than a tight pair of Levi’s? Why, you get Rainbow! Yet another criminally underrated hard rock band of the 70’s, the Dio era saw 3 albums bearing songs that are hits and classics in their own right. But none are as sweeping or as staggering as Stargazer. It speaks of a journey like no other and when Dio sings, you listen. The pathos of Ritchie Blackmore provides the song with a grand atmosphere.

Whitesnake – Sailing Ships

David Coverdale may have been a podgy, pimply boy when he was indoctrinated into the ranks of Deep Purple, but when he left, left as a man wanting to front his own band in his own image. He always knew he was more of a blues singer but with Whitesnake he combined his roots with hard rock in a band that while is highly regarded, didn’t exactly achieve the success neither the legendary status of his former band. But screw that, Coverdale and co gave us the truly epic ballad, Sailing Ships. If I had a genie granting only one wish, I’d wish I could sing like him.

Wintersun – Battle Against Time

Deep in the forests of Tyr, beyond the fringes of the icy realms of Finland, comes this band from frontman extraordinaire Jaane Nokia with a sound that is described best as melodic brutal folk metal. It is sweepingly epic and it literally reminds me of a time when King Arthur and his knights roamed early Britain, smiting eeevell wherever eeevell dwells. Armour not included.

So there you have it. This list is definitely not definitive as I keep changing them every single day. And that to me is the beauty and power of music. You really never know what you listen next might be your new favourite. Thank you for reading. Now go and get ‘em, cos Chris Said So!

Special mentions go to:

Fear Factory – Resurrection (The ending has that triumphant feel I so love)

Borknagar – Colossus (Amazing vocals and fantastic melodies)

Apocalyptica – Epilogue (Relief) (they headbang while playing cellos!)

Mercenary – Firesoul (Danish pastries + soaring vocals = Brilliance)

Live – Lightning Crashes (A beautiful crescendo with evocative vocals)

Kamelot – Serenade (Cheesy band name aside, this song is remarkably exquisite)

Deep Purple – Soldier of Fortune (Beautiful)

Tool – The Grudge (the build up at around 6:00 is simply amazing)

Boston – More Than a Feeling (Seriously, not even Celine Dion could pull notes that long)

Rammstein – Mein Herz Brentt (Teutonic goodness!)

Arch Enemy – Black Earth

Forget everything you know about melodies, catchier-than-a-pack-of-hyenas-laughing choruses and half-baked solos. This, my friends, is the real Arch Enemy.

Newer listeners, especially to the band’s more recent (craptastic) output, may think to themselves, why on earth is this fellow saying that this is the real thing? I’ll tell you why. Because I said so, mah! All right. That was lame and cheap but it was kind of funny, aye? Anyhow, if you had gotten into the band as early as I did, then you’ll probably understand where I’m coming from.

The two guitarists, brothers Michael and Christopher Amott, were fast gaining recognition and plaudits as the twin guitar wizards to look out for. And rightly so. While Michael was previously in the legendary Carcass, his brother made his debut here. But you wouldn’t have known that. Together, they tear through 9 tracks of blistering, melodic as heck metal. Or to put it shortly, melodic death metal, which funnily enough isn’t really death metal at all. But let’s not get into that, for the debate shall rage on and on and I would’ve run out of tea by then.

The thing about this album is that it’s heavier than heck; with its guitar tone that sounds as though it was made from Thor’s hammer while the drums pound your ears into submission. But the one aspect of the band that got the most flak about was the vocals, No vocals that sound as though a woman was doing it. The vocals here sound like a dog’s bark. A rather large, black, vicious-looking dog. Personally, the dude sounded like a bear. One very big, very pissed and very vicious-looking bear. To many, his “singing” was monotonous and dull. What they did expect? Friggin’ Bruce Dickinson? This is how it’s supposed to sound, not some woman who sounds like an evil 12-year-old.

Bury Me An Angel is by far one of the most crushing openers ever. Mind you, this is 1996 but the production on this puts latter efforts to shame. I’ve already mentioned that the guitars are heavier than heck and the aforementioned proves me right. If you think shouting “I love you” in a metal song is weird, try listening to Eureka. One thing I love about the album is the solos. They are distinct and fitting to each song. Cosmic Retribution even has a Spanish-influenced interlude that throws you off for a moment but when the carnage resumes, you remember why your head feels heavy. Transmigration Macabre is a fun song; heavy and brutal and underneath the rhythm is a pounding, almost old-skool death metal sound to it. Closing song, Fields of Desolation, is by far their best song to date. It’s huge. It’s dark. It’s grand. The main riff alone makes their more recent efforts sound like goddamn Linkin Park. I’m a sucker for a great metal song with great drumming and a great ending solo. This has it all but turned all the way to 11. It’s too bad that the solo had to fade away towards the end. I would’ve been happier than a pack of hungry wolves chomping on a moose.

This is one of those rate albums that when you press Play, you can leave it and listen to all the songs without skipping. Of course, it’s also pretty short. Clocking in at slightly over 32 minutes on the original version, the re-released version bumps it up to nearly 43 minutes. But that shouldn’t be much of a problem. You can always listen to it again.

Initial Rating: 7/10

Current Rating: 8.5/10

Behemoth – Demigod

This album is like eating one of your favourite chocolate bars. Only that it’s too little and is a bit old. I get that feeling every time I listen to this.

When I first heard Behemoth way back in 2002, I thought they were going to be the best death metal band. They are certainly more recognised now, that’s for sure. But are they better? It’s mostly yeses but there are some nos. On the brutal side of things, they’ve raised their game ten-fold. Inferno now pounds his drums to oblivion as opposed to gently whacking the crap out of it on previous occasions and the guitars are much faster now. In terms of songwriting, though, well, let’s talk a look, shall we?

The first thing you’ll notice after the first few seconds of obligatory silence is how clean and clear it sounds. And because of that, the most annoying aspect of this album is the multi-layered vocals. The clarity of the production makes it sound as though there are three Nergals. To put it into perspective, imagine a Nergal to your left, a Nergal to your right and a Nergal right in front of you. Not nice at all, I'm pretty sure of it. For the uninitiated, this may seem the epitome of brutality. After all, since it’s brutal and intimidating to have a dude bark his lungs out, then why not have more, right? Wrong. For a seasoned listener such as I, this merely annoys the heck out of me. And the solos? Let’s just say that the band needs someone who can unleash them with more force because their solos are quite frankly forgettable.

But it is the songs that leave me with a bitterer aftertaste. Gone are the longer, more thought-out songs from previous album, Zos Kia Cultus (Here and Beyond), in its place are songs that focus on brutality and more brutality. I have no problems with brutality, but, in my opinion, Nergal is way too smart to employ such trite tactics to try and jig things up. Towards Babylon, Xul and Slaves Shall Serve are songs that will pummel your head in but by the time you press Stop you’re hankering for more; so you grab your old Morbid Angel album. Memorable? Here and there. But the most disappointing song has got be The Reign Ov Shemsu-Hor. It starts off with some nice tribal beats and the main riff is pretty good. At slightly over 8 minutes long you’d think this is going to epic. It doesn’t. Not even near. It’s overwrought, bloated and mismatched. Brutal bit here, melody underneath it, multi-layered vocals here, and the awful ending with the silly blasting just makes it rubbish. And not even the usage of the kvlt word Ov helps.

Some have unflatteringly called them the Polish version of Nile. I call them the band with so much potential but in their valiant efforts to be very “death metal,” they forget to write timeless classics. Mind you, their material is hard to play and imitate but there’s nothing uniquely binding to it. But to be fair, the blame rests on the shoulders on mainman, Nergal. He’s talented, hardworking and is a pretty darn good frontman. (I’ve seen some of the live stuff and he speaks with such authoritative force you can’t help but want to whack the person next to you if he commands you to.) But from listening to this I get the impression that that he’s holding back.

What a shame.

Initial Rating: 8/10

Current Rating: 4/10

"We must fight, to run away!"

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

It just goes to show that you can’t just rely on old tricks and trite hey-I-think-I-know-this-from-somewhere scenarios to make moviegoers forget that the movie they’re currently watching is actually poorly thought-out, lacklustre and completely disappointing. This is a movie that is destined to be a guaranteed cash cow that will leave audiences either clamouring for more or relieved that this shit is finally over. I think you know which side I’m on.

I remember leaving the cinema feeling excited and truly entertained after the first one. Johnny Depp really made an impact and his eccentricities were such a highlight for me that I even copied some of his mannerisms. Yes, even that running style. It certainly was the role of a lifetime for him. In this, however, his character is reduced to a caricature of the first film. The trademark eccentrics are still there, yes, but there’s only so much flailing and funny faces one can pull to salvage a goner. I really wanted to like his performance but I left the hall feeling cheated.

I hate when films try to be too smart, just look at the final Matrix movie. It, too, suffered from a storyline that got bloated with trying to cram in as much as possible. Haven’t these people heard of the saying, Sometimes less is more? The second POTC had some of the best action sequences in recent times, and even though it was a disappointment for me, it still was somewhat tolerable. This one made me want to doze off. (And I really couldn’t for there was this amorous young couple who couldn’t stop doing things to each other, which further sullied my watching experience. I wanted to murder them.) There was just far too many double-crossing going on that it made keeping track of them a tedious affair. One minute they’re double-crossing one pirate and the next they get double-crossed and the next…With pointless subplots involving Keira Knightley reprising her Pride and Prejudice role only swords and Orlando ‘Where are my elf ears?’ Bloom, the whole movie became diluted with convolution.

Surprisingly, Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa made this otherwise insipid and confusticating movie watchable with his very pirate-y performance. He is what I think pirates would’ve been like: charismatic, cantankerous and inspirational to those around him. Plus, his pirate-y voice is spot on though there were times I couldn’t understand him. The rest were made to look pretty and the fake smudges on the likes of Bloom and Knightley made more fake.

It really is too bad that it has to “end” (the next one better be good, but in all honesty, I hope it doesn’t materialise) this way. This was an absolute waste of 3 hours.

PS: I don’t get it, but please, please tell me what the hell is so funny when Chow Yun-Fat utters the soon-to-be copied by many idiots phrase of, “Welcome to Singapore.” As a Malaysian, I don’t see how this can make you laugh out loud. I guess if he said Welcome to Malaysia instead we would have banned it for, blimey, thinking that Malaysia is a haven for Chinese pirates who strangely love to have baths in little wooden bathtubs.

Vader – Litany

What do you get when you combine a thick Polish accent which leads to a lot of mispronounced words with songs under the 3-minute mark yet is packed to the brim?

This album.

The very first thing you notice (and feel) when you press Play is the colossal wall of sound coming out of your speakers. Then, you sense the floor shake a bit. The glass of water beside your bed is precariously sliding down, threatening to spill its contents. You grab it in the nick of time but by then your bodily functions cease to obey your commands. Your head starts headbanging rapidly while your arms and legs start flailing like a yoga instructor on crack.

There are couple of things one needs to do first in order to listen to this without having to call the paramedics and possibly, the furniture shop: restrain yourself from watching American Idol, don’t see cute things and most importantly, eat something. An empty is the bane of any headbanging session. You don’t want to see the pizza you ate an hour ago come out looking nothing like the aforesaid pizza, do you?

Now sit back and imagine, if you will, a bass drum the size of a small buffalo. Next, with that image in your mind’s eye, picture two bass drums the size of a small buffalo. That image in your head probably best represents Doc’s bass drum because the sound is ginormous. Some say it’s too much and drowns the other instruments. I say bring it on! Playing this album at high volumes produces an effect somewhat similar to the power of a small earthquake. With opening song, Wings, pounding your speakers, your body is left to ponder, when will it end? The answer lies nearly 30 minutes later as Vader unleash 10 more songs to damage your hearing and cause severe trauma to your sanity.

Frontman Peter (possibly the most un-death metal of names) leads his merry bandmates to uncover ways in which to punish those who choose to listen to their death-thrash laden, clear vocal approach (and I don’t mean clear in the Dream Theater sense, only that Peter’s delivery is not of the barking helldog variety) brand of Polish death metal. When you say Poland, you think of, well, carpentry, but these boys pummel you with their onslaught of death metal goodness. Peter’s songs are not meant for cerebral dissection at Mensa parties. This is how good death metal is played: fast, brutal and leaves you begging for more. Some long-time fans have said that the material here is tepid and uninspired compared to their earlier releases. It’s their lost, I guess. I love the fact that I can spin this, and for the next half hour or so I will be thoroughly entranced.

Of course, my hearing may take a severe beating and my neighbours may contemplate calling the cops but there’s no way you can play this softly. It’ll be like trying to bake a cake with a toaster. It just wouldn’t work, right?

This review is in memory of Doc (R.I.P). May your drums batter the Metal Gods!

Initial Review: 8/10

Current Review: 8/10

Sepultura – Chaos A.D.

Whenever I think of Brazil, images of a certain buck-toothed footballer, Rio de Janeiro and its parties, and, of course, Adriana Lima, all come to mind. But the first thing that pops into my head is, wait for it…Sepultura.

Sepul...what?

If you’re a metalhead and if you don’t know your metal geography then you shall your metalness revoked right this very instant. However, if you were to smile like an idiot who’s just discovered the right side of wearing undies and nod in elation to the mentioning of Soulfly, then your life has to end right this very instant. Your death shall be unhurried and extremely agonising. The punishment that shall be meted out to you is…a lifetime of nothing but Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand!

All right, enough of all this nonsensical talk. Onwards to the review!

Back when I first got into metal, I thought that Metallica were the best band in the world. Then when my ears were finally unstuck ala The Matrix, I craved unremittingly for music that was faster, more brutal and at the end of the day, something that doesn’t have James Hetfield going “Ooo!” and “Yeah!” like a country singer. And Sepultura was one of the first bands to really shake things up for me.

There seems to be two ways a thrash band progress with their career: one is to maintain their sound and thrashiness; meaning not moving forward thus putting out record after record with the same riffs (i.e. Slayer, Overkill). Or, you could do what Metallica pioneered, dumbing it all down.

For some strange reason, Refuse/Resist is the Brazilian equivalent to Enter Sandman. The two have different sounds but the effect is the same though Metallica has the upper arm in the catchiness department. Territory begins with a tremendous drum intro, and guess what, the riff makes you want to jump and down at the same spot for almost 4 minutes. If your area has a political election going on, then I highly recommend this song. The incumbents will feel right at home. Continuing the theme of the world is one big ball of shit, Amen pummels the listener with a heavier than thou riff. Of course, it was inevitable that they would go back to their roots and the instrumental, Kaiowas, is the first attempt. It’s a jungle jam, replete with tribal drums and a deep sense of connection with the earth. Propaganda speaks of, well, propaganda, while Biotech is Godzilla is a vitriolic attack against profit-minded corporations who would do anything to sell their drugs. Clenched Fist closes the album commendably but is nowhere near the thrash masterpieces of Primitive Future or Infected Voice.

Chaos A.D. is an album that came out a time when the world was first experiencing the beginnings of violence and turmoil that was getting out of hand, which is now a common occurrence in today’s world. The lyrics are a reflection of that time, it is full rage and venom but musically it as though the Sepultura gang decided that hey, let’s slow things down a little, instead of having a million riffs in a song let’s have 4 so that the lyrics can be clearly heard. Many have called this their Black album, the beginning of the end. I agree wholeheartedly. Much like how Metallica managed their career, Sepultura proved that they could do the same, just as disastrous. This is by no means a “bad” album. In fact, it has some pretty heavy moments. But how can you follow up with something like this? Arise, while not as riff-o-rific as Beneath the Remains, is still a hard-hitting wallop to the face of a thrash metal record. This is by comparison a genteel smack to the derriere.

I think I see Adriana Lima (NSFW-ish) waving at me. Bye!

Metallica – Reload

All right, you can stop laughing so hard now. While you’re at it, could you stop the silly grin? I’m getting redder. I’ll come clean: I was a fan of Take That (Shine is a pretty funky song), Backstreet Boys and GASP! ‘N Sync. I could even sing along to the likes of Back for Good, Quit Playing Games (With My Heart), and Get Down. Then the explosion of nu-metal—or to be more precise, music for the sonically challenged—boomed. I was one of those kids who took to it like an ugly duckling to hot water. I had the mile-long chain stuck to my wallet making me look like an aggressive shih-tzu, the cargo pants that could literally hold a cargo-full of contraband and my hair was spikier than Vlad the Impaler’s pointy sticks. I was into the Top 40 faithfully so much so that could I name—and still can—many of today’s musical artistes. This is all thanks to the country’s premier English radio station which came on air when I still trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with my cargo pants. At that time, the station played really good music. On a bright sunny day, a little band called Metallica with their new song The Memory Remains would soon change my life, forever…

Little did I know that I would to listen to nothing but Metallica for the next three years. Yes, you read that right. 3 solid years of Metallica and maybe just a little bit of Green Day. I was crazy about them. I honestly thought they were the best band in the world and that other bands were merely trying to copy, plagiarise, their works. Then I grew up. And the rest, as they say, is bla bla bla.

After that, I got older. And a tad bit wiser. (I hope so.)

I remember thinking that Fuel (the video was spot-on with the song) was one helluva fast ditty. This is by far one of their better “rock” songs. It is catchy; the main riff reminds me of a video game and it actually has a smattering of double bass from the normally lazy Lars Ulrich. The aforesaid The Memory Remains is also another catchy but hokey song replete with na, na, nas at the end. Marianne Faithful sure does creepy. Devil’s Dance has the makings of a really heavy and dark song but ruined by the lack of bass (Jason Newsted, I feel you, man) and James Hetfield still enunciating his Oooo’s with a zeal only heard in second-rate country singers. The next few songs follow a strict formula of plodding along and going nowhere. While the ideas are somewhat interesting, with a few nice riffs here and there, the gratuitous moments coupled with the obscene length of most of the songs can get wearisome pretty quick. I used to go apeshit over Where the Wild Things Are but now I can’t understand why. Probably because Newsted had a part in its creation thus making it a not-so-sucky song. Is Low Man’s Lyric the weakest song in the album? Nope. Not really. But it is by far the most grating. It’s a pseudo bluesy number that has Hetfield crooning about being a bum and all and wanting a fire to warm his hands. Once again, I have no idea. Thankfully, the album closes with a surprisingly sprightly and deliberate number, Fixxxer. Nope, I did not accidentally press X too many times.

As a whole and more accurately, a rock album, it gets a big, fat OK. Some of the material falls into the category of All Right, more than half in Ugh while the rest are utterly dog doodoo.

The Metallica name will forever be synonymous with producing 4 of the finest thrash metal records (all you detractors be damned!), one thoroughly commercial-sounding but still metal album and the rest of their discography shall be remembered only for their sellout-worthiness. As for me, Metallica will always be the band that has influenced my music preference and to a certain extent, my life, the most.

Alongside the dance sequence of Quit Playing Games (With My Heart), of course.

Initial Rating: 11/10 (I was young and highly impressionable mah.)

Current Rating: 4/10 (Trust me, I'm being too generous.)

Dio's Holy Diver Live and Whitesnake's In the Still of the Night

I’ve refrained from naming my blog post as “Holy Diver Live vs. In the Still of the Night” for the simple fact that if it were the case then In the Still of the Night would win hands down. But this post is going to be about my feelings and what I thought what was done right and what was done wrong.

David Coverdale and Ronnie James Dio. These two men started out as frontmen for their respective bands and are now revered as Gods. Rightly so I say. They have nothing to prove. They’ve set the blueprint for most of today’s rock and metal singing that all they have to do now is just to put out amazing concerts. While I may never get to see them perform (thanks for bringing in Lobo for the umpteenth time!) in my lifetime, thankfully they’ve released DVD that showcases them in concert.

This review of mine is going to be more focused on the performances and the overall quality. With regards to the picture and sound quality, both are superb and crisp with all the instruments clear accompanied with a superb bottom-end.

The Good: In the Still of the Night

This DVD simply smokes. You can see the fervour in all of the members. Naturally, Coverdale is the man people want to see and hear and boy does he deliver. Here’s a man that’s almost 60 yet he still moves around like a man in his 20’s. His singing is par excellence and his stage presence is immense. Tommy Aldrige is one seriously mad drummer. He may be pushing 50 but this skinny dude wallops the drum kit like it was like a big pillow. His drum solo is a must see. No words of mine can do it justice. As a fan, this is the closest to the real thing and it’s the only time you’ll hear me sing (yes, sing as opposed to my customary growling) songs about love and the person I hope to share it with.

The Bad: In the Still of the Night

It’s too short! There’s the case of omissions of Soldier of Fortune and Sailing Ships from the setlist. While I can understand why the former wasn’t included (it’s a Deep Purple classic), I find the exclusion of Sailing Ships to be a sad thing. I so love that song! At first I thought that Coverdale might not be able to pull the high notes of the song but I think he could have. Or maybe he did perform it and he chose not to include it for reasons unbeknownst to all but him. Damn!

Minor gripe: why did they censor the F-word? C’mon, most of Whitesnake’s fans are either old or dry for crying out loud! (I’m old not dry yet)

The Good: Holy Diver Live

The entire Holy Diver album is played in its entirety. For those who don’t know, Holy Diver is regarded as one of the best metal albums of all-time. Ronnie James Dio is still as theatrical as ever (and bloody short too). Nevertheless, I must say that could he have toned down the \m/ sign a bit. He really looks like an evil elf who’s trying to torment Santa Claus. Doug Aldrich (who incidentally is now Whitesnake’s primary guitarist) does a commendable job wielding the six-strings. He played most of the songs note for note especially original Dio guitarist Vivian Campbell’s (yes, it’s the same dude in the now shitty Def Leppard) solos and what’s more is that he didn’t use his own gear since he came in as a last minute replacement for the current Dio guitarist who was injured.

The Bad: Holy Diver Live

Oh my. Where do I start with this one. Firstly, Mr Dio sounds like shit. I cringe every time he hits the high notes. Damn, I got it wrong, it should have been the trying to hit the high notes. This is the same man who gave us Man on the Silver Mountain and Stargazer for crying out loud! And here he is sounding like he has a cork stuck in his nose. The theatrics are just plain silly by the way and the embellishments of “Ooh!”, “yeah, Yeah, YEAH!” just plain sucked. And it also goes to show that while you may have sung with the brilliant Rainbow and the reason for it all, Black Sabbath, no band can sound like them. The guitar tone was too happy-sounding and during Heaven and Hell I thought I was listening to ABBA.

So there you have it. My analysis of the above DVDs. While I’m still seething from Dio’s feeble attempts I must also applaud the fact he has taken RM100 from me just because it’s Dio. My hat goes to Whitesnake. They truly put on a fantastic show and the crowd went bonkers right from the get go and stayed that way till the very end.

This is Chris, signing off. For nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow…

Norah Jones – Come Away With Me

Back when it was all right to like effeminate boybands and silly-looking girlbands (which included yours truly, I remember clearly dancing to Backstreet Boys’ Shape of My Heart, something I have no qualms sharing with you guys and gals) and when jazz was perceived as music for people with large spectacles and a penchant for cigars made in Cuba by elderly men with cantankerous behaviour, came this little album from a little lady with a voice that was as smoky as it is hazy in Kuala Lumpur.

It was in college when my good friend Irwin and Kinsat bought a pirated CD from good ole Petaling Street. On the badly printed cover was this pretty, Indian-looking girl with freckles and a white woman’s name. When Irwin offered me a grubby-looking headphone to me I was assaulted by extreme tenderness. Her voice was husky and the song that I was listening to was slowly draining the lifeblood of me. I abhorred her and the world of jazz was forevermore off boundaries for me.

Funny how a few years and a good knockin’ from life can transform a man’s/guy’s/bugger’s life.

Yes, you purists will definitely vilify me for saying this, but Norah Jones is jazz albeit not of the variety that takes pride in its ability to play 100 notes a second. Her brand of jazz is tinged with hints of country and pop, meshed together to create music perfect for those days when I don’t feel like having my brain mashed by a cacophony of beats and riffs. When I first heard her voice I thought there must be something wrong with the headphones, she sounds just like an old singer I used to listen to when I was just a child. I shrugged it off, calling it boring as heck and went back to listening to Korn. (Which I have no qualms in admitting that I actually bopped my head to some their songs.)

The songs range from slow and breathy to slightly up-tempo. Opener Don’t Know Why pretty much sets the tone for the album. Probably the one most inane thing about the album is the fact that the title track, Come Away With Me, is apparently a bad song. This shocking revelation is due to the title itself, say it aloud, many times if necessary and think of the skin industry (ugh, nekkid people) and you’ll know what I mean. Still don’t get it? I sure as hell still don’t. It’s a beautiful song yet people with funny minds brand it immoral, decadent and detrimental to the soft and delicate ears of the Malaysian public. And let it be known that we have no problems with songs and the accompanying video clips from Pussycat Dolls who performed here and guess what, they weren’t exactly dressed in Eskimo clothing either and Nelly Furtado who incidentally is absolute horse droppings and a sell-out and can’t rap to save her life is signing about being promiscuous.

Maybe the moral guardians have a tough time in trying to figure out which word carries a negative or sexual connotation to it. I think a dictionary is a good investment for these prehistoric, cigar-chomping dolts.

Anyhow, the album closes with not one, not two, but three very good songs: Nightingale, The Long Day is Over and The Nearness of You. Every time it rains or when I travel I will play these songs for they really put me in a nice place. If there’s one Jones I’d like to keep up with then this lady is the one.

Initial Rating: 8/10

Current Rating: 8/10

Dream Theater – Octavarium

Let me be the first to tell you that as much flak is given to Falling Into Infinity, the band’s 4^th album, I love it. Its main criticism is, what else?, the music: it was too commercialised, sterile at parts and had Hit Song potential written all over it. But overall it isn’t, in fact it has some of Dream Theater’s most memorable moments just sandwiched in a couple of stinkers. But that’s another review altogether. What we have here is Dream Theater’s 8^th studio album and is a “back to their roots while forging forward” sort of album. The world calls it, I and I’m sure many long time fans will agree with me call it OctaDisappointmentExtravaganzarium.

Let’s go straight to the bad on this one. If the preceding album, Train of Thought, was to show that hey, we have a metal side and Octavarium is our pop side. The single, biggest disappointment lies in the lap of guitarist, John Petrucci. There is no denying this man is a genius, a savant of the 6-string, his melodies have captivated fans all over and we’re often beseeching for more. This time however we’re pleading, on our knees, for a heck a lot more. The intricate guitar playing that once characterised earlier albums is now replaced by a need to unleash mediocrity. Or maybe he ran out of ideas, I’m not sure. Just listening to his solo album (which you can’t buy from the stores because he’s selling it through his website, the bugger) makes me wonder if their record label had put a leash on him, restraining him and only letting him free briefly. It is with this opinion that I believe that Dream Theater has failed to deliver what could have been the album of their career.

But a single person doesn’t go about sabotaging his own money-maker, no, it’s a collective effort. Maybe it was the dastardly pushy record label, forcing them once again to deliver a more radio friendly album. Maybe they thought, “Hey, let’s make a middle-of-the-road album and then make a really good one to show that we’ve bounced back from the ‘setback’.” With all things going against them, it’s a shame and a sad thing to note that the other members deliver solid performances. James Labrie especially has kept his higher than high register to a minimum and voices the lyrics to great effect. Mike Portnoy’s drumming is still inventive and vibrant though the need for him to sing is rather annoying. His voice is frightfully unexciting while Petrucci’s own is flat and diffident. And John Myung is John Myung, nuff said.

Songs like the ballad The Answers Lie Within make you wonder what the hell they were thinking. There’s also a chugga-chugga ditty in the form of These Walls which is good but not good enough. Then when the opening chords of I Walk Beside You start emanating you can’t help but smile at the pitiable attempt at a U2-like song. And who can deny the wrath of Never Enough with its venomous lyrics asking the fans to cut them some friggin’ slack every now and then. Sacrificed Sons is Dream Theater’s contribution to the memory of 9/11. Another set of angry lyrics with some interesting stop-go riffing and drumming. Nothing great.

But the most anticipated song is undoubtedly the title track, which also happens to be the album’s closer. It’s a 24-minute behemoth that is a lesson in patience, aggravation and what could have been a hugely momentous occasion marred by directionless directions. The opening sees keyboard wizard Jordan Rudess playing all sorts of instruments to create a soundscape that either leaves you befuddled or hitting the Stop button. The next 20-minutes or so is a hit-and-run: the good is good but often suffers from a meandering syndrome while the bad is cringe worthy of the highest order (listen to the part where LaBrie and Portnoy battle it out with hilarious results when they sing “Trapped inside this Octavarium!”). Its salvage point comes, not surprisingly, at the end, where Petrucci shows us again as to why he’s the best guitarist to hear and not watch (if you’ve watched any of his live performances, you’ll know what I’m talking about). It is however, too little, too late.

If this is going to be your formal introduction to this band then by all means it’s an all right place to start off. As for long-standing fans such as myself, I have a simple message: Dream Theater, I hope you guys do something better next time.

Initial Rating: 5/10

Current Rating: 6.5/10 (I’m being more than generous, really)

“I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”

Snakes on a Plane

Quite possibly the most entertaining movie I’ve watched this year. Thank you and have a nice day.

Gosh darnit, I hate having to fulfil my OCD quirk of having to write more than 500 words. Truth be told, how does one write a lengthy review about a movie you know already right from the title that it’ll feature snakes, and you guessed it, on a plane. The story is terribly simple: boy witnesses a brutal murder, boy becomes witness, person who did it is atypical Asian baddie and wants boy dead, tough as nails FBI agent is assigned to escort him to testify, highly amorous snakes are let loose, the passengers wage war on the cold blooded reptiles, they land the friggin’ plane and then they all live happily ever after. There’s no formula, no plot twists whatsoever, it goes from A to B and yet you still keep on watching even though you know the ending already.

For the life of me I still don’t know why Samuel L. Jackson put pen on paper and star in this B-movie masquerading as an A-list movie. But I am thankful, oh yes, if it weren’t for his trademark acting this movie would be on the bottom of even the most stupid C-movie pile. The other actors are so stiff it was fun seeing them get bitten on the boob, stabbed in the eye by a three-inch heel, and generally dying horrible yet comical deaths. And what the hell is wrong with them snakes? We all know that pheromones make male animals go extremely gaga but biting people on the jugular with pinpoint precision is a bit much don’t you think. The snakes would kill each other first, and then seek the stupid humans who are slathered in the frisky inducing scent. And can you actually land a real plane without the proper education, notwithstanding the fact that you’ve played a simulation of it for countless hours?

What’s that? Oh right, I forgot, it’s a movie.

The negatives are so bad that it actually is positives if you look at it properly. The acting is about as natural as Tara Reid’s chest attributes, the special effects are pretty decent, the storyline was probably drummed up by a pimply boy with a giant poster of some female wrestler in a tight fitting handkerchief, and the dialogue loaded with banal one-liners that they actually worked. But that’s the genius of it; you’re so offended and insulted by the absurdity that your brain shuts down for awhile and lets your funny bone be tickled pink.

The moral of the story? Doesn’t exist. Maybe kids will start playing flight simulator games. I don’t know. For sheer entertainment value this movie gets full marks. It takes quite a lot for me to laugh at movie jokes but this managed to get me chuckling and on occasion spurt out my chocolate milk. Through my nose. Sure maybe I lost some of my intelligence but it was for the sake of being entertained for one and a half hours. If there’s one movie to make your hypertension go down a little then this is it.

Iron Maiden – Dance of Death

I am not the world’s biggest Maiden fan. In fact, I can’t even consider myself a fan, not in the real sense of the word, anyway. You see, if you’re a fan of the band, then you’ll surely be in possession of most if not all of their albums. To be considered a fan you’d have to say that your favourite Maiden numbers are their classics: The Trooper, Killers, Phantom of the Opera and so on. Heck, you might even say that the classic Maiden line-up featuring Paul Dianno and whoever it was in the band at the time, is the best.

Not me.

Most metalheads would demand for my head for saying such blasphemous statements. Iron Maiden has some of the most fervent and loyal fans ever. After all, this is the band that helped shaped the music of heavy metal into what it is today. They’ve inspired countless bands and imitators. Some bands have come quite near though none seem into my mind currently so you’ll just have to accept my word for it. This is due to the fact that Maiden has a sound that whenever you hear even the first few chords, it is instantly and unmistakeably theirs.

So what is the Iron Maiden sound? It’s very simple: soaring vocals, beautiful arrangements, infectious melodies, sweeping solos and of course, the most annoying bass sound in heavy metal. All right, all right. Maybe not the most annoying but it certainly ranks high on the list. Put down that axe and hear me out first. I’ll try my best to justify my opinion. The bass in heavy metal is used primarily to boost the heaviness. It is also a part of the rhythm section together with the drums therefore mindless noodling on the bass is a big no-no when you’ve got the guitarist to do all the said noodling. I like it when everyone gets their instrument heard in the final mix. I go, “Ooo, there’s a double bass run,” and, “Ah, that’s a funky bassline there.” But when the bass is as annoying as Steve Harris’s then you’ve got a problem.

How do I describe the sound to someone who’s not heard it? Well, it’s sort of like garlic. I love garlic. I can eat a whole bulb provided it’s cooked right (raw garlic gives me gas). But when the garlic is overpowering the flavour of say, a lamb stew, then you’ve got yourself a dish that while is somewhat delicious, is also making you sick. It plods like a constipated elephant. It’s like a bridge that’s loose, held on only by duct tape. Steve Harris may be a good songwriter, at times subscribing to protraction and is slightly pompous, but by golly does he annoy me. On a good day, I may not be bothered by the obnoxious sound but that only happens rarely.

It’s a shame really because the material on this album is really good. I reiterate, I am not the world’s biggest fan of Maiden so if you find me gushing all over this then you can sod off. Where was I? Oh yes, the material. It opens with a somewhat catchy but forgettable track that is just a precursor to the first single, Rainmaker, a song with a silly video of silly men in silly costumes dancing in the, what else, rain. Montsegur is the “fast” ditty of the album, though it is marred only by sluggish drumming courtesy of bungalow-sized drumkit beater Nicko McBrain. McBrain is by no means a bad drummer, he’s good, knows when, what and where to hit the drums. It’s just that he’s slow. It’s the kind of slow that’s not too slow as to be almost plodding, but it’s slow enough to make you want to beat your fist on a freshly laid road. Paschendale is by far the most epic sounding Maiden song I’ve ever heard which would make any diehard fan feel faint and strangely murderous. It’s probably the only time I actually forgive Harris and his silly bass. The album then closes stronger than the start, which in many albums, is the way it should.

I may not be the world’s biggest Iron Maiden fan and frankly I couldn’t care less. I’d rather be the guy who likes this album very much.

Initial Rating: 7/10

Current Rating: 7/10