The Music of 2007

All right, onto the good stuff first, shall we?

Album of the Year (Metal):

1. Chimaira – Resurrection
2. Sigh – Hangman’s Hymn
3. Odious Mortem – Cryptic Implosion
4. Dark Tranquillity – Fiction
5. Dying Fetus – War of Attrition
6. Aborted – A Methodical Overture

Album Disappointments (some of these are utter bummers):

1. Machine Head – The Blackening
• This is by far the most disappointing album I’ve heard. Ever. This is a stinker of the highest order. I can’t believe how Robb Flynn and co managed to come up with such trite and hopeless songs.
2. Nile – Ithyphallic
• What do you get when you have 4 white guys playing Egyptian-themed brutal death metal? You get Nile. What happens when you put 4 white guys and have them come up with an incredibly feeble and pedestrian follow-up to a rather good album? You get this album.
3. Dream Theater – Systematic Chaos
• Oh, my lordy. This is by no means a bad album, but rather, it’s a terribly disappointing one. It has the makings of a truly special album but Mike Portnoy (I name him the main culprit simply because his influence on the band’s sound and direction is growing tremendously) contrives to come up with some pretty banal stuff.
4. Naglfar – Harvest
• The songs are insipid and lack a certain sense of evil unlike their previous album, Pariah, which had it in abundance. And the horrible production mars this further by making everything sound like the haze in Malaysia.
5. Susperia – Cut From Stone
• My fiends, this is how to not make a follow-up to an incredible album. This album has everything stamped with mediocrity and sterility.
6. Behemoth – The Apostasy
• Nergal once again tries to be more brutal than a pack of chickens running wild in a corn field. This is where brutality for the sake of brutality backfires.

Song of the Year (Metal):

1. Iced Earth – Framing Armageddon
• It’s fast. It’s heavy. It’s catchier than getting a cold in Alaska. This is THE song of 2007.
2. Chimaira – Resurrection
• Coming in a close second, Chimaira at long last unleash a song that shows what they’re truly capable of.
3. Black Sabbath – The Devil Cried
• Four words: Dio, Iommi, Butler, Appice. ‘Nuff said.
4. Helloween – Kill It
• These crazy Germans have done it again. Actually, I don’t know what they did but it seems to be working. Especially on this. Horrendous lyrics, though.
5. Odious Mortem – The Endless Regression of Mind
• Hands down, this has got one of the best death metal solos I’ve heard in a long time.
6. Dark Tranquillity – Focus Shift
• An atypical song from the lads from IKEA land. But it sure as heck rocks!
7. Sigh – Introitus/Kyrie
• Probably the most maniacal-sounding black metal vocals I’ve heard. And to think the dude eats sushi and then sings and…nevermind…
8. Apocalyptica – I’m Not Jesus
• It’s not what you think. Heck, it’s not what you think it isn’t either.
9. The Arcane Order – Infinite Ghost Anathema
• On first listen, you’ll think, hmm, where have I heard this before? The genre has been done to death but these lads have pulled together a top notch death/thrash song with enough élan to wipe a baby’s bottom.
10. Dominici – A New Hope
• The solo at the end is simply magnificent. Highly and criminally underrated.

Other Albums That Really Impressed Me (And I’m the kind of person that doesn’t get impressed easily):

1. Alter Bridge – Blackbird

o Seriously, this is the best rock album I’ve heard in a long, long time. It has everything; great vocals, great drumming, great riffs, and most importantly: great songs.

2. Porcupine Tree – Fear of a Blank Planet

o The band with one of the funniest-sounding band names, led by the ingenious Steven Wilson, once again proves they are the best progrock band currently.

3. Norah Jones – Not Too Late

o Like fine wine, Ms. Jones gets better. But only a little. She still sings way too breathy at times and her country-tinged ditties make me want to break out in line dance.

4. Michael Bublé – Call Me Irresponsible

Honourable Mentions (Basically these are songs that really impressed me but came out in different years):

1. Gorgoroth – Wound Upon Wound (2006)

o I used to think that black metal sucks. I still do. But not this band. It’s fast, full of hate and is downright fun! Last count in my iPod was 26 times it played. It took only 3 months. It’s that bloody good.

2. Estradasphere – Smuggled Mutation (2006)

o A beautifully savage beast of a ditty. It’ll make you smile benignly one minute and the next you’ll headbang wildly. Even if you have no hair.

3. Dream Theater – To Live Forever (1991 & 1994)

o There are two versions to this song but they’re the same, only the production differs. But they do have one thing in common: they both rule.

4. Arsis – The Face of My Innocence (2004)

o This song absolutely crushes. It’s not terribly fast but it’ll make your head spin with its tempo changes and jackhammer drumming.

5. Vanessa Mae - I'm A-doun For Lack O' Johnnie (A Little Scottish Fantasy)

o Heard this way back when it first came out. But it was only this year I decided to download get it. One word: Superb.

And there you have it. 2007 is pretty much the best year for music, personally.

Till the next time, laters!

Soothing Sounds of Music: Part 1

Some people take it out on a brat with a snotty face and a bad attitude. Some people use their cars as weapons of terror to bully other drivers. Others take up gardening, saying that pulling out weeds and seeing their flowers bloom right before their eyes sends them to their happy place. Painting has that same effect but for the life of me, I don’t get artists and their paintings where a stroke here means their consciousness discovered tranquillity while a flick there means their brains were about to explode and splatter all over the canvas to create a masterpiece but wait! There it is—a stroke of genius!

To alleviate stress, nothing sets my heart to beat at a normal rate faster than music (see the pun?). So I present to you “Chris’s Top 10 Songs That Make Chris Go to His Happy Place (where he extirpates the entire bunny race)”. In no particular order:

Dream Theater – Hell’s Kitchen

How could an instrumental that’s a little over 4 minutes beat Dream Theater’s other longer, decidedly more epic songs? Simple. This song encapsulates every single known good feeling during the course of its run. By the end of it you feel as though your spirit has been lifted to a whole new consciousness. Perfect for night drives when you just want to cruise.

Joe Satriani – Up in Flames (G3 Live in Tokyo version)

I had to choose between John Petrucci’s Glasgow Kiss and Steve Vai’s The Audience is Listening. While each song is totally different in tone and texture, all 3 are epics that send me dreaming about the good things in life. But Mr. Satriani gets the honour because not only did he make a great song superior in every way, he does it with sublime prowess.

Liquid Tension Experiment – Kindred Spirits

When you have 4 extremely gifted and bloody awesome musicians, you know that whatever they come up with is going to be magic. And magic they performed. They recorded their albums in a span of one week each and those sessions produced opuses of wonderful madness and intense creativity. This song has everything; killer melodies, awesome basslines, pounding drums and a powerful end. Seeing the likes of these 4 may not happen again. Truly magical.

Marc Antoine – Unity

I have to really thank my good friend Irwin for introducing me to this guy. When I was heavily into all things brutal, the thought of listening to Spanish-influenced acoustic guitar songs would have me reaching for a cleaver. I have all of his albums now. This was the first song of his I ever listened fully to and is still my no.1 favourite from this genius.

Michael Bublé – Home

BUBBLE? AHAHAH! All right, I’ll admit it. I too was guilty of maligning this poor Canadian’s name. But when I heard Elliot Yamin’s rendition in the last American Idol, I thought maybe I’ll give him a try. I bought the DVD + CD live album and when I got home, I played Home straightaway. I felt at peace and it made me appreciate my time with my loved ones even more. Please pass the tissue. I feel a tear coming…

Norah Jones – The Long Day is Over

Not since I inhaled copious amounts of smoke due to the haze, has there been anyone with a smoky and sweet voice made me happier. I find that if I listen to this whilst reading a good book, with the rain gently pouring and if I’m lucky, at night, I reach a place where all the bad doesn’t exist. Thank you Mr. Ravi Shanker.

Porcupine Tree – Arriving Somewhere But Not Here

I first heard of this band from one of the metal forums that I go to. I downloaded it without knowing a single thing about them other than the fact they’re quite known in the progressive rock fraternity. The MP3s were superb and after a while I just had to get the CD. The minute I played it, I was floored. The breakdown at about 6:57 remains one of the most headbangable moments of all time.

Rainbow – Stargazer

What do you get when you have a frontman the size of my grandma, a mad genius with 6 strings and an amp, together with a rhythm section tighter than a tight pair of Levi’s? Why, you get Rainbow! Yet another criminally underrated hard rock band of the 70’s, the Dio era saw 3 albums bearing songs that are hits and classics in their own right. But none are as sweeping or as staggering as Stargazer. It speaks of a journey like no other and when Dio sings, you listen. The pathos of Ritchie Blackmore provides the song with a grand atmosphere.

Whitesnake – Sailing Ships

David Coverdale may have been a podgy, pimply boy when he was indoctrinated into the ranks of Deep Purple, but when he left, left as a man wanting to front his own band in his own image. He always knew he was more of a blues singer but with Whitesnake he combined his roots with hard rock in a band that while is highly regarded, didn’t exactly achieve the success neither the legendary status of his former band. But screw that, Coverdale and co gave us the truly epic ballad, Sailing Ships. If I had a genie granting only one wish, I’d wish I could sing like him.

Wintersun – Battle Against Time

Deep in the forests of Tyr, beyond the fringes of the icy realms of Finland, comes this band from frontman extraordinaire Jaane Nokia with a sound that is described best as melodic brutal folk metal. It is sweepingly epic and it literally reminds me of a time when King Arthur and his knights roamed early Britain, smiting eeevell wherever eeevell dwells. Armour not included.

So there you have it. This list is definitely not definitive as I keep changing them every single day. And that to me is the beauty and power of music. You really never know what you listen next might be your new favourite. Thank you for reading. Now go and get ‘em, cos Chris Said So!

Special mentions go to:

Fear Factory – Resurrection (The ending has that triumphant feel I so love)

Borknagar – Colossus (Amazing vocals and fantastic melodies)

Apocalyptica – Epilogue (Relief) (they headbang while playing cellos!)

Mercenary – Firesoul (Danish pastries + soaring vocals = Brilliance)

Live – Lightning Crashes (A beautiful crescendo with evocative vocals)

Kamelot – Serenade (Cheesy band name aside, this song is remarkably exquisite)

Deep Purple – Soldier of Fortune (Beautiful)

Tool – The Grudge (the build up at around 6:00 is simply amazing)

Boston – More Than a Feeling (Seriously, not even Celine Dion could pull notes that long)

Rammstein – Mein Herz Brentt (Teutonic goodness!)

Arch Enemy – Black Earth

Forget everything you know about melodies, catchier-than-a-pack-of-hyenas-laughing choruses and half-baked solos. This, my friends, is the real Arch Enemy.

Newer listeners, especially to the band’s more recent (craptastic) output, may think to themselves, why on earth is this fellow saying that this is the real thing? I’ll tell you why. Because I said so, mah! All right. That was lame and cheap but it was kind of funny, aye? Anyhow, if you had gotten into the band as early as I did, then you’ll probably understand where I’m coming from.

The two guitarists, brothers Michael and Christopher Amott, were fast gaining recognition and plaudits as the twin guitar wizards to look out for. And rightly so. While Michael was previously in the legendary Carcass, his brother made his debut here. But you wouldn’t have known that. Together, they tear through 9 tracks of blistering, melodic as heck metal. Or to put it shortly, melodic death metal, which funnily enough isn’t really death metal at all. But let’s not get into that, for the debate shall rage on and on and I would’ve run out of tea by then.

The thing about this album is that it’s heavier than heck; with its guitar tone that sounds as though it was made from Thor’s hammer while the drums pound your ears into submission. But the one aspect of the band that got the most flak about was the vocals, No vocals that sound as though a woman was doing it. The vocals here sound like a dog’s bark. A rather large, black, vicious-looking dog. Personally, the dude sounded like a bear. One very big, very pissed and very vicious-looking bear. To many, his “singing” was monotonous and dull. What they did expect? Friggin’ Bruce Dickinson? This is how it’s supposed to sound, not some woman who sounds like an evil 12-year-old.

Bury Me An Angel is by far one of the most crushing openers ever. Mind you, this is 1996 but the production on this puts latter efforts to shame. I’ve already mentioned that the guitars are heavier than heck and the aforementioned proves me right. If you think shouting “I love you” in a metal song is weird, try listening to Eureka. One thing I love about the album is the solos. They are distinct and fitting to each song. Cosmic Retribution even has a Spanish-influenced interlude that throws you off for a moment but when the carnage resumes, you remember why your head feels heavy. Transmigration Macabre is a fun song; heavy and brutal and underneath the rhythm is a pounding, almost old-skool death metal sound to it. Closing song, Fields of Desolation, is by far their best song to date. It’s huge. It’s dark. It’s grand. The main riff alone makes their more recent efforts sound like goddamn Linkin Park. I’m a sucker for a great metal song with great drumming and a great ending solo. This has it all but turned all the way to 11. It’s too bad that the solo had to fade away towards the end. I would’ve been happier than a pack of hungry wolves chomping on a moose.

This is one of those rate albums that when you press Play, you can leave it and listen to all the songs without skipping. Of course, it’s also pretty short. Clocking in at slightly over 32 minutes on the original version, the re-released version bumps it up to nearly 43 minutes. But that shouldn’t be much of a problem. You can always listen to it again.

Initial Rating: 7/10

Current Rating: 8.5/10

Behemoth – Demigod

This album is like eating one of your favourite chocolate bars. Only that it’s too little and is a bit old. I get that feeling every time I listen to this.

When I first heard Behemoth way back in 2002, I thought they were going to be the best death metal band. They are certainly more recognised now, that’s for sure. But are they better? It’s mostly yeses but there are some nos. On the brutal side of things, they’ve raised their game ten-fold. Inferno now pounds his drums to oblivion as opposed to gently whacking the crap out of it on previous occasions and the guitars are much faster now. In terms of songwriting, though, well, let’s talk a look, shall we?

The first thing you’ll notice after the first few seconds of obligatory silence is how clean and clear it sounds. And because of that, the most annoying aspect of this album is the multi-layered vocals. The clarity of the production makes it sound as though there are three Nergals. To put it into perspective, imagine a Nergal to your left, a Nergal to your right and a Nergal right in front of you. Not nice at all, I'm pretty sure of it. For the uninitiated, this may seem the epitome of brutality. After all, since it’s brutal and intimidating to have a dude bark his lungs out, then why not have more, right? Wrong. For a seasoned listener such as I, this merely annoys the heck out of me. And the solos? Let’s just say that the band needs someone who can unleash them with more force because their solos are quite frankly forgettable.

But it is the songs that leave me with a bitterer aftertaste. Gone are the longer, more thought-out songs from previous album, Zos Kia Cultus (Here and Beyond), in its place are songs that focus on brutality and more brutality. I have no problems with brutality, but, in my opinion, Nergal is way too smart to employ such trite tactics to try and jig things up. Towards Babylon, Xul and Slaves Shall Serve are songs that will pummel your head in but by the time you press Stop you’re hankering for more; so you grab your old Morbid Angel album. Memorable? Here and there. But the most disappointing song has got be The Reign Ov Shemsu-Hor. It starts off with some nice tribal beats and the main riff is pretty good. At slightly over 8 minutes long you’d think this is going to epic. It doesn’t. Not even near. It’s overwrought, bloated and mismatched. Brutal bit here, melody underneath it, multi-layered vocals here, and the awful ending with the silly blasting just makes it rubbish. And not even the usage of the kvlt word Ov helps.

Some have unflatteringly called them the Polish version of Nile. I call them the band with so much potential but in their valiant efforts to be very “death metal,” they forget to write timeless classics. Mind you, their material is hard to play and imitate but there’s nothing uniquely binding to it. But to be fair, the blame rests on the shoulders on mainman, Nergal. He’s talented, hardworking and is a pretty darn good frontman. (I’ve seen some of the live stuff and he speaks with such authoritative force you can’t help but want to whack the person next to you if he commands you to.) But from listening to this I get the impression that that he’s holding back.

What a shame.

Initial Rating: 8/10

Current Rating: 4/10

Vader – Litany

What do you get when you combine a thick Polish accent which leads to a lot of mispronounced words with songs under the 3-minute mark yet is packed to the brim?

This album.

The very first thing you notice (and feel) when you press Play is the colossal wall of sound coming out of your speakers. Then, you sense the floor shake a bit. The glass of water beside your bed is precariously sliding down, threatening to spill its contents. You grab it in the nick of time but by then your bodily functions cease to obey your commands. Your head starts headbanging rapidly while your arms and legs start flailing like a yoga instructor on crack.

There are couple of things one needs to do first in order to listen to this without having to call the paramedics and possibly, the furniture shop: restrain yourself from watching American Idol, don’t see cute things and most importantly, eat something. An empty is the bane of any headbanging session. You don’t want to see the pizza you ate an hour ago come out looking nothing like the aforesaid pizza, do you?

Now sit back and imagine, if you will, a bass drum the size of a small buffalo. Next, with that image in your mind’s eye, picture two bass drums the size of a small buffalo. That image in your head probably best represents Doc’s bass drum because the sound is ginormous. Some say it’s too much and drowns the other instruments. I say bring it on! Playing this album at high volumes produces an effect somewhat similar to the power of a small earthquake. With opening song, Wings, pounding your speakers, your body is left to ponder, when will it end? The answer lies nearly 30 minutes later as Vader unleash 10 more songs to damage your hearing and cause severe trauma to your sanity.

Frontman Peter (possibly the most un-death metal of names) leads his merry bandmates to uncover ways in which to punish those who choose to listen to their death-thrash laden, clear vocal approach (and I don’t mean clear in the Dream Theater sense, only that Peter’s delivery is not of the barking helldog variety) brand of Polish death metal. When you say Poland, you think of, well, carpentry, but these boys pummel you with their onslaught of death metal goodness. Peter’s songs are not meant for cerebral dissection at Mensa parties. This is how good death metal is played: fast, brutal and leaves you begging for more. Some long-time fans have said that the material here is tepid and uninspired compared to their earlier releases. It’s their lost, I guess. I love the fact that I can spin this, and for the next half hour or so I will be thoroughly entranced.

Of course, my hearing may take a severe beating and my neighbours may contemplate calling the cops but there’s no way you can play this softly. It’ll be like trying to bake a cake with a toaster. It just wouldn’t work, right?

This review is in memory of Doc (R.I.P). May your drums batter the Metal Gods!

Initial Review: 8/10

Current Review: 8/10

Sepultura – Chaos A.D.

Whenever I think of Brazil, images of a certain buck-toothed footballer, Rio de Janeiro and its parties, and, of course, Adriana Lima, all come to mind. But the first thing that pops into my head is, wait for it…Sepultura.

Sepul...what?

If you’re a metalhead and if you don’t know your metal geography then you shall your metalness revoked right this very instant. However, if you were to smile like an idiot who’s just discovered the right side of wearing undies and nod in elation to the mentioning of Soulfly, then your life has to end right this very instant. Your death shall be unhurried and extremely agonising. The punishment that shall be meted out to you is…a lifetime of nothing but Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand!

All right, enough of all this nonsensical talk. Onwards to the review!

Back when I first got into metal, I thought that Metallica were the best band in the world. Then when my ears were finally unstuck ala The Matrix, I craved unremittingly for music that was faster, more brutal and at the end of the day, something that doesn’t have James Hetfield going “Ooo!” and “Yeah!” like a country singer. And Sepultura was one of the first bands to really shake things up for me.

There seems to be two ways a thrash band progress with their career: one is to maintain their sound and thrashiness; meaning not moving forward thus putting out record after record with the same riffs (i.e. Slayer, Overkill). Or, you could do what Metallica pioneered, dumbing it all down.

For some strange reason, Refuse/Resist is the Brazilian equivalent to Enter Sandman. The two have different sounds but the effect is the same though Metallica has the upper arm in the catchiness department. Territory begins with a tremendous drum intro, and guess what, the riff makes you want to jump and down at the same spot for almost 4 minutes. If your area has a political election going on, then I highly recommend this song. The incumbents will feel right at home. Continuing the theme of the world is one big ball of shit, Amen pummels the listener with a heavier than thou riff. Of course, it was inevitable that they would go back to their roots and the instrumental, Kaiowas, is the first attempt. It’s a jungle jam, replete with tribal drums and a deep sense of connection with the earth. Propaganda speaks of, well, propaganda, while Biotech is Godzilla is a vitriolic attack against profit-minded corporations who would do anything to sell their drugs. Clenched Fist closes the album commendably but is nowhere near the thrash masterpieces of Primitive Future or Infected Voice.

Chaos A.D. is an album that came out a time when the world was first experiencing the beginnings of violence and turmoil that was getting out of hand, which is now a common occurrence in today’s world. The lyrics are a reflection of that time, it is full rage and venom but musically it as though the Sepultura gang decided that hey, let’s slow things down a little, instead of having a million riffs in a song let’s have 4 so that the lyrics can be clearly heard. Many have called this their Black album, the beginning of the end. I agree wholeheartedly. Much like how Metallica managed their career, Sepultura proved that they could do the same, just as disastrous. This is by no means a “bad” album. In fact, it has some pretty heavy moments. But how can you follow up with something like this? Arise, while not as riff-o-rific as Beneath the Remains, is still a hard-hitting wallop to the face of a thrash metal record. This is by comparison a genteel smack to the derriere.

I think I see Adriana Lima (NSFW-ish) waving at me. Bye!

Metallica – Reload

All right, you can stop laughing so hard now. While you’re at it, could you stop the silly grin? I’m getting redder. I’ll come clean: I was a fan of Take That (Shine is a pretty funky song), Backstreet Boys and GASP! ‘N Sync. I could even sing along to the likes of Back for Good, Quit Playing Games (With My Heart), and Get Down. Then the explosion of nu-metal—or to be more precise, music for the sonically challenged—boomed. I was one of those kids who took to it like an ugly duckling to hot water. I had the mile-long chain stuck to my wallet making me look like an aggressive shih-tzu, the cargo pants that could literally hold a cargo-full of contraband and my hair was spikier than Vlad the Impaler’s pointy sticks. I was into the Top 40 faithfully so much so that could I name—and still can—many of today’s musical artistes. This is all thanks to the country’s premier English radio station which came on air when I still trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with my cargo pants. At that time, the station played really good music. On a bright sunny day, a little band called Metallica with their new song The Memory Remains would soon change my life, forever…

Little did I know that I would to listen to nothing but Metallica for the next three years. Yes, you read that right. 3 solid years of Metallica and maybe just a little bit of Green Day. I was crazy about them. I honestly thought they were the best band in the world and that other bands were merely trying to copy, plagiarise, their works. Then I grew up. And the rest, as they say, is bla bla bla.

After that, I got older. And a tad bit wiser. (I hope so.)

I remember thinking that Fuel (the video was spot-on with the song) was one helluva fast ditty. This is by far one of their better “rock” songs. It is catchy; the main riff reminds me of a video game and it actually has a smattering of double bass from the normally lazy Lars Ulrich. The aforesaid The Memory Remains is also another catchy but hokey song replete with na, na, nas at the end. Marianne Faithful sure does creepy. Devil’s Dance has the makings of a really heavy and dark song but ruined by the lack of bass (Jason Newsted, I feel you, man) and James Hetfield still enunciating his Oooo’s with a zeal only heard in second-rate country singers. The next few songs follow a strict formula of plodding along and going nowhere. While the ideas are somewhat interesting, with a few nice riffs here and there, the gratuitous moments coupled with the obscene length of most of the songs can get wearisome pretty quick. I used to go apeshit over Where the Wild Things Are but now I can’t understand why. Probably because Newsted had a part in its creation thus making it a not-so-sucky song. Is Low Man’s Lyric the weakest song in the album? Nope. Not really. But it is by far the most grating. It’s a pseudo bluesy number that has Hetfield crooning about being a bum and all and wanting a fire to warm his hands. Once again, I have no idea. Thankfully, the album closes with a surprisingly sprightly and deliberate number, Fixxxer. Nope, I did not accidentally press X too many times.

As a whole and more accurately, a rock album, it gets a big, fat OK. Some of the material falls into the category of All Right, more than half in Ugh while the rest are utterly dog doodoo.

The Metallica name will forever be synonymous with producing 4 of the finest thrash metal records (all you detractors be damned!), one thoroughly commercial-sounding but still metal album and the rest of their discography shall be remembered only for their sellout-worthiness. As for me, Metallica will always be the band that has influenced my music preference and to a certain extent, my life, the most.

Alongside the dance sequence of Quit Playing Games (With My Heart), of course.

Initial Rating: 11/10 (I was young and highly impressionable mah.)

Current Rating: 4/10 (Trust me, I'm being too generous.)

Norah Jones – Come Away With Me

Back when it was all right to like effeminate boybands and silly-looking girlbands (which included yours truly, I remember clearly dancing to Backstreet Boys’ Shape of My Heart, something I have no qualms sharing with you guys and gals) and when jazz was perceived as music for people with large spectacles and a penchant for cigars made in Cuba by elderly men with cantankerous behaviour, came this little album from a little lady with a voice that was as smoky as it is hazy in Kuala Lumpur.

It was in college when my good friend Irwin and Kinsat bought a pirated CD from good ole Petaling Street. On the badly printed cover was this pretty, Indian-looking girl with freckles and a white woman’s name. When Irwin offered me a grubby-looking headphone to me I was assaulted by extreme tenderness. Her voice was husky and the song that I was listening to was slowly draining the lifeblood of me. I abhorred her and the world of jazz was forevermore off boundaries for me.

Funny how a few years and a good knockin’ from life can transform a man’s/guy’s/bugger’s life.

Yes, you purists will definitely vilify me for saying this, but Norah Jones is jazz albeit not of the variety that takes pride in its ability to play 100 notes a second. Her brand of jazz is tinged with hints of country and pop, meshed together to create music perfect for those days when I don’t feel like having my brain mashed by a cacophony of beats and riffs. When I first heard her voice I thought there must be something wrong with the headphones, she sounds just like an old singer I used to listen to when I was just a child. I shrugged it off, calling it boring as heck and went back to listening to Korn. (Which I have no qualms in admitting that I actually bopped my head to some their songs.)

The songs range from slow and breathy to slightly up-tempo. Opener Don’t Know Why pretty much sets the tone for the album. Probably the one most inane thing about the album is the fact that the title track, Come Away With Me, is apparently a bad song. This shocking revelation is due to the title itself, say it aloud, many times if necessary and think of the skin industry (ugh, nekkid people) and you’ll know what I mean. Still don’t get it? I sure as hell still don’t. It’s a beautiful song yet people with funny minds brand it immoral, decadent and detrimental to the soft and delicate ears of the Malaysian public. And let it be known that we have no problems with songs and the accompanying video clips from Pussycat Dolls who performed here and guess what, they weren’t exactly dressed in Eskimo clothing either and Nelly Furtado who incidentally is absolute horse droppings and a sell-out and can’t rap to save her life is signing about being promiscuous.

Maybe the moral guardians have a tough time in trying to figure out which word carries a negative or sexual connotation to it. I think a dictionary is a good investment for these prehistoric, cigar-chomping dolts.

Anyhow, the album closes with not one, not two, but three very good songs: Nightingale, The Long Day is Over and The Nearness of You. Every time it rains or when I travel I will play these songs for they really put me in a nice place. If there’s one Jones I’d like to keep up with then this lady is the one.

Initial Rating: 8/10

Current Rating: 8/10

Dream Theater – Octavarium

Let me be the first to tell you that as much flak is given to Falling Into Infinity, the band’s 4^th album, I love it. Its main criticism is, what else?, the music: it was too commercialised, sterile at parts and had Hit Song potential written all over it. But overall it isn’t, in fact it has some of Dream Theater’s most memorable moments just sandwiched in a couple of stinkers. But that’s another review altogether. What we have here is Dream Theater’s 8^th studio album and is a “back to their roots while forging forward” sort of album. The world calls it, I and I’m sure many long time fans will agree with me call it OctaDisappointmentExtravaganzarium.

Let’s go straight to the bad on this one. If the preceding album, Train of Thought, was to show that hey, we have a metal side and Octavarium is our pop side. The single, biggest disappointment lies in the lap of guitarist, John Petrucci. There is no denying this man is a genius, a savant of the 6-string, his melodies have captivated fans all over and we’re often beseeching for more. This time however we’re pleading, on our knees, for a heck a lot more. The intricate guitar playing that once characterised earlier albums is now replaced by a need to unleash mediocrity. Or maybe he ran out of ideas, I’m not sure. Just listening to his solo album (which you can’t buy from the stores because he’s selling it through his website, the bugger) makes me wonder if their record label had put a leash on him, restraining him and only letting him free briefly. It is with this opinion that I believe that Dream Theater has failed to deliver what could have been the album of their career.

But a single person doesn’t go about sabotaging his own money-maker, no, it’s a collective effort. Maybe it was the dastardly pushy record label, forcing them once again to deliver a more radio friendly album. Maybe they thought, “Hey, let’s make a middle-of-the-road album and then make a really good one to show that we’ve bounced back from the ‘setback’.” With all things going against them, it’s a shame and a sad thing to note that the other members deliver solid performances. James Labrie especially has kept his higher than high register to a minimum and voices the lyrics to great effect. Mike Portnoy’s drumming is still inventive and vibrant though the need for him to sing is rather annoying. His voice is frightfully unexciting while Petrucci’s own is flat and diffident. And John Myung is John Myung, nuff said.

Songs like the ballad The Answers Lie Within make you wonder what the hell they were thinking. There’s also a chugga-chugga ditty in the form of These Walls which is good but not good enough. Then when the opening chords of I Walk Beside You start emanating you can’t help but smile at the pitiable attempt at a U2-like song. And who can deny the wrath of Never Enough with its venomous lyrics asking the fans to cut them some friggin’ slack every now and then. Sacrificed Sons is Dream Theater’s contribution to the memory of 9/11. Another set of angry lyrics with some interesting stop-go riffing and drumming. Nothing great.

But the most anticipated song is undoubtedly the title track, which also happens to be the album’s closer. It’s a 24-minute behemoth that is a lesson in patience, aggravation and what could have been a hugely momentous occasion marred by directionless directions. The opening sees keyboard wizard Jordan Rudess playing all sorts of instruments to create a soundscape that either leaves you befuddled or hitting the Stop button. The next 20-minutes or so is a hit-and-run: the good is good but often suffers from a meandering syndrome while the bad is cringe worthy of the highest order (listen to the part where LaBrie and Portnoy battle it out with hilarious results when they sing “Trapped inside this Octavarium!”). Its salvage point comes, not surprisingly, at the end, where Petrucci shows us again as to why he’s the best guitarist to hear and not watch (if you’ve watched any of his live performances, you’ll know what I’m talking about). It is however, too little, too late.

If this is going to be your formal introduction to this band then by all means it’s an all right place to start off. As for long-standing fans such as myself, I have a simple message: Dream Theater, I hope you guys do something better next time.

Initial Rating: 5/10

Current Rating: 6.5/10 (I’m being more than generous, really)

Iron Maiden – Dance of Death

I am not the world’s biggest Maiden fan. In fact, I can’t even consider myself a fan, not in the real sense of the word, anyway. You see, if you’re a fan of the band, then you’ll surely be in possession of most if not all of their albums. To be considered a fan you’d have to say that your favourite Maiden numbers are their classics: The Trooper, Killers, Phantom of the Opera and so on. Heck, you might even say that the classic Maiden line-up featuring Paul Dianno and whoever it was in the band at the time, is the best.

Not me.

Most metalheads would demand for my head for saying such blasphemous statements. Iron Maiden has some of the most fervent and loyal fans ever. After all, this is the band that helped shaped the music of heavy metal into what it is today. They’ve inspired countless bands and imitators. Some bands have come quite near though none seem into my mind currently so you’ll just have to accept my word for it. This is due to the fact that Maiden has a sound that whenever you hear even the first few chords, it is instantly and unmistakeably theirs.

So what is the Iron Maiden sound? It’s very simple: soaring vocals, beautiful arrangements, infectious melodies, sweeping solos and of course, the most annoying bass sound in heavy metal. All right, all right. Maybe not the most annoying but it certainly ranks high on the list. Put down that axe and hear me out first. I’ll try my best to justify my opinion. The bass in heavy metal is used primarily to boost the heaviness. It is also a part of the rhythm section together with the drums therefore mindless noodling on the bass is a big no-no when you’ve got the guitarist to do all the said noodling. I like it when everyone gets their instrument heard in the final mix. I go, “Ooo, there’s a double bass run,” and, “Ah, that’s a funky bassline there.” But when the bass is as annoying as Steve Harris’s then you’ve got a problem.

How do I describe the sound to someone who’s not heard it? Well, it’s sort of like garlic. I love garlic. I can eat a whole bulb provided it’s cooked right (raw garlic gives me gas). But when the garlic is overpowering the flavour of say, a lamb stew, then you’ve got yourself a dish that while is somewhat delicious, is also making you sick. It plods like a constipated elephant. It’s like a bridge that’s loose, held on only by duct tape. Steve Harris may be a good songwriter, at times subscribing to protraction and is slightly pompous, but by golly does he annoy me. On a good day, I may not be bothered by the obnoxious sound but that only happens rarely.

It’s a shame really because the material on this album is really good. I reiterate, I am not the world’s biggest fan of Maiden so if you find me gushing all over this then you can sod off. Where was I? Oh yes, the material. It opens with a somewhat catchy but forgettable track that is just a precursor to the first single, Rainmaker, a song with a silly video of silly men in silly costumes dancing in the, what else, rain. Montsegur is the “fast” ditty of the album, though it is marred only by sluggish drumming courtesy of bungalow-sized drumkit beater Nicko McBrain. McBrain is by no means a bad drummer, he’s good, knows when, what and where to hit the drums. It’s just that he’s slow. It’s the kind of slow that’s not too slow as to be almost plodding, but it’s slow enough to make you want to beat your fist on a freshly laid road. Paschendale is by far the most epic sounding Maiden song I’ve ever heard which would make any diehard fan feel faint and strangely murderous. It’s probably the only time I actually forgive Harris and his silly bass. The album then closes stronger than the start, which in many albums, is the way it should.

I may not be the world’s biggest Iron Maiden fan and frankly I couldn’t care less. I’d rather be the guy who likes this album very much.

Initial Rating: 7/10

Current Rating: 7/10

Chris’s Top 10 Metal Songs of 2006

What a year it has been for me. Without question this has been the most interesting year in terms of my music development. Yes, I say development simply because every time I listen to something new, be it a new band or an already established one with a new album, it becomes a lesson, a never-ending education and a journey of music. Sounds girly but oh well.

So without anymore ado that is sanely necessary, I present you, Chris’s Top 10 Metal Songs of 2006:

1. Deicide – Homage for Satan

Forget the stupid lyrics. Been there, killed Jesus yadda yadda. It’s not even remotely menacing or meaningful (for lack of a better word); it’s just a song with absolutely mindless lyrics. I used to hate, loathe, abhor, detested and other related synonyms Deicide. I thought Glen Benton was the silliest death metal vocalist (I still think he is) ever. The entire album you can hear him belching and squeal like a pig. But who gives a shit? Just listen to Ralph Santolla’s solo and you’ll understand why this is my choice for the number one metal song of 2006.

2. Mercenary – Lost Reality

The brutal Danish biscuits are back! I was a happy demonic bunny when news of their recent album said that while it doesn’t top their previous album, 11 Dreams, it does sound great. This song has dominated my playlist ever since I got it not too long ago and it jumped all the way to the second spot on the strength of the vocals and the harmonies. This is some top-notch stuff here people. Makes latter day Soilwork and In Flames sound like Incubus (they suck big time and all you Brandon Boyd fans out there can shoo off).

3. Vader – As Heavens Collide

I was close to writing these Polish legends off my list when they released the album preceding this. It was horrible. I was blown away when I first heard Wings which in my opinion is their best song EVER! but this plain sucked. When Doc (R.I.P dude) was unceremoniously ejected from the drummer’s chair, he was replaced by a drummer who I felt didn’t capture Doc’s imaginative and downright brutal style. So when this new album surfaced I thought what the heck, I’ll give these guys another go. It was like listening to Wings again. I was blown away only much further and harder. The opening drum and guitar assault of this makes me want to rip every single teddy bear in a department store. It’s that good.

4. Suffocation – Redemption

Frank Mullen may not possess anymore the deep, guttural, demonic rumble that scared me shitless when I was wee lad but he still manages to keep it low enough as opposed to the hoarse, vomit-sounding whisper of latter day Lord Worm (their last album was a big letdown vocally). What’s interesting about this song is that it’s not uncompromisingly brutal like Hate Eternal or blindingly fast like Deicide, it’s just simply mind-crushingly devastating.

5. Gadget – Day of the Vulture

I was never the biggest fan of grind. I love the godly Nasum (R.I.P Mieszko), the one-off genius of Terrorizer (I say one-off because I repudiate unreservedly the latest album), and I dig some Napalm Death. Clocking in at a lengthy 2:25 (it’s an eternity in grind terms), these four Danish madmen pound the listener unremittingly. Excellent if you’ve had a rough day and that My Chemical Romance sound rather pusillanimous (I like this word!) this is the song for you.

6. Zyklon – Vulture

While I read the reviews saying how brutal this song is I was salivating slightly. One of the better bands to have graduated from the school of Morbid Angel, this is off their 3^rd album. Initially, I was disappointed. I thought with a much better production and a tighter understanding of each other they would have upped the ante a little. Unfortunately, no. I’ve been spoilt rotten by all the brutal stuff lately and listening to this reminds me of Pantera; it’s brutal but not quite. Nevertheless it’s catchy and I love barking “Vulture!”

7. Yyrkoon – Signs

Oddly, this song is not even in the regular version of the album. It’s a bonus track off the digipak version. It’s a classic Yyrkoon song: drums hard-hitting, thrashy death metal riffs and features the distinct distorted vocals of Steph. It’s basically—I dare say—an all out “fun-sounding” death metal song.

8. DragonForce – Through the Fire and Flames

Hahahaha! The band’s name itself always elicits a derisive girly giggle from me. How can you respect a band that obviously revels in being goofy, fantastical and bloody fast all at the same time? Screw the respect, just headbang wildly and haphazardly. Old women watch out!

9. Arsis – I Speak Through Shadows

Unholy fruitcake of Beelzebub! For all you people who think that current American metal is Trivium and Lamb of God, think again. Think real hard. Arsis is a two-man band and they’ve put out the most harsh-sounding melodic death metal record of the year and this song is the best of the bunch. The end alone makes me want to thrash wildly and snip off my neighbours flowers. It’s that good.

10. Slayer – Cult

When I first heard this I was thoroughly disappointed. I thought that since Dave Lombardo is back on the skin-beating throne, the drumming would be top class. Marred by a horrible kick-drum sound (it sounds like rapid mouse clicks), Cult is yet another religion bashing, religion hating, thrash ditty that surprisingly gets better with more listens. It’s only the list because I don’t have many albums from 2006 and Iron Maiden’s latest is too patchy at times.

So there you have it. There’s not much variety I know since almost half of it is death metal but this year saw me rekindle my fervid fixation of all things mindlessly brutal.

Till then, I welcome 2007 with the devil horns!

Chimaira – Chimaira

American Karate. American Football. American Beauty. Ugh, the last one kind of doesn’t make sense.

What do those things have in common? What did you say? No, it’s not Bush and another gaffe but the fact that the word American is affixed to the front to describe a certain entity that is as American as to what anime is Japanese. When you say karate, you think of Japanese men with their long hair bundled neatly into a bun with their arms and legs poised to attack. When you say football, people around the world think of Manchester United (Yeah baby!), Brazil, Pele, and of course, David Beckham’s impeccable dress sense and girly voice. But when you see the American in American Karate is becomes a new beast. Instead of buns of hair you have mullets and a strong fondness for Rocky Mountain oysters. American Football is of course the only sport in the world celebrated in only one part of the world, America.

But what we have here ladies and rough-men is called American Metal. Quite simply put, American Metal is what Pantera is what Judas Priest is to metal. American Metal is a subgenre of metal characterised by its innate chugga-chugganess, harsh vocals (a cross between drunk and growling) and riffs reminiscent the Swedish Melodic Metal scene and of course, American sensibilities.

Chimaira, alongside Lamb of God and um, Trivium are the current leaders leading the American metal scene. What this means is that these bands have harsh vocals a teenage girl is capable of producing, melody lines that haven’t been cool for the last 10 years and generally disliked by more experienced, angrier-looking and truer metalheads. Yours truly, on the other hand, doesn’t give a flying shit about being true; if I hear something nice to my ears then I’ll say it’s nice.

Vocalist Mark Hunter has probably one of the most annoying voices in modern metal. Every time I hear his voice I am reminded of eunuchs before they became eunuchs. He’s a grown man, six-feet-tall, sports a mean-looking nose ring yet he sounds like a high school girl who took testosterone pills instead of those pills. The music is simple: growl here, growl there, somewhat catchy chorus, rehashed Metallica solos, end of song, NEXT! The biggest problem this album has is strangely their strongest element: the metalness. In their valiant attempt of trying to prove to the big boys that hey, we are metal godsdamnit! and we’re not like Slipknot! they’ve taken upon themselves to be as angry and tough as they can be. Sadly, those moments are few and unsatisfactory. Opener Nothing Remains merely hints as to what may from these Oakland natives. It is mid-pace, with the drummer initiating a tribal groove before the fade-in effects kick-in and there you have it, Chimaira’s transformation from pseudo metal punks to bona fide metal mongers. The rest of the album follows a strict formula that works occasionally.

Somewhat major gripe: When you have Kevin Talley, who in my opinion is the new drum god, you’re not supposed restrain him. He’s a hard-hitting, don’t give two shits, bloody fast drummer who in his previous stint as Dying Fetus’s skinbasher, pummelled the listener while at the same time executing highly technical chops with panache of a bear in a tutu. It’s like asking Jackie Chan to be careful when he jumps from a two-storey building. To him, it’s like skipping rope!

I think Chimaira hoped that this album would be their ticket to metal stardom. Wrong. While the direction they’re heading is the right one, they’ve got quite a long way to go before they can release their own Reign in Blood or Master of Puppets. Better luck next time guys.

Initial Review: 6/10

Current Review: 5/10

In Flames – Clayman

I remember clearly the day I bought this album. It was getting darker by the minute. The bright day was transformed into a gloom that made everyone depressed. The minibus (gosh I miss those days) driver was madder than normal. The lady who took my order of fish-and-chips was acting all weird and moody (PMS can be a real pain). Even the street peddlers who were busy frying deep-fried things were all lugubrious.

Except for me.

That day would be the starting point for my evolution into the Chris that I am now. The album in question is the catalyst for it all. From humble beginnings as an ardent listener of long-dead classical composers, The Beatles, Elvis Presley and a host of other artistes my parents listened to and 80’s stuff from my sisters, I was about to embark on a totally new, and somewhat frightening musical endeavour. I was a chain-wearing, bespectacled wannabe ruffian, “nu-metal” purveyor (nu-metal does not exist, for the mere fact that it is not metal to begin with but that’s another story altogether), bored with all the Limp Bizkits, Korns, and other wimpy bands.

Before I decided to get this album, I did a lot of research to make sure that what I was about to buy wouldn’t leave me really pissed and RM70 poorer. I read countless reviews, comments and when I finally downloaded a song, I was instantly hooked. It was an experience like no other: the vocals were horrid, like a man pinching his throat, the drummer’s pounding the daylights out of his kit but it was the guitars; the melodies, the solos, the riffs, everything, that sealed the deal. I wanted it and I wanted it right now. And the rest is history.

As much as I abhor current In Flames, this album holds a very special place in my metal heart. With dubious songs titles such as Pinball Map (the aforementioned song I downloaded earlier), Swim, and Another Day in Quicksand, I owe my metalness to these songs. In school I was quietly and superiorly smug, I was different from the rest. While they were still drooling over rock infused with (c)rap, I was a man listening to real man’s stuff. While my friends were into hip-hop and easy listening rock bands like Incubus, Hoobastank (stupid name for a band), Papa Roach, in my CD player was underground metal from Sweden, the land of blonde bombshells and meaty meatballs.

Granted, this is the beginning of the end for these Swedish metallers. In hindsight, this is a sub par, hook driven album. It is essentially the metal equivalent of a pop album: the choruses are merciless in their catchiness, the riffs are no more the colourful work that drove their earlier releases now replaced with a desperate urge to make it catchy and jumpdafuckable. It just screams sell-out and is rightly so.

What’s interesting to note is that while this is a downright painful and embarrassing moment in my personal history, it must be said that without this sell-out album I wouldn’t be where I am now. So thank you In Flames, for setting me the foundation to bang my head silly, stick my tongue out, wield the devil horns like a man high on Red Bull and ultimately, the metalhead I am today.

Initial Review: 9/10

Current Review: 6/10