Metallica - Death Magnetic

Phew! It's been a long time, eh? Without further ado, I'm going to go straight on to the review:

Metallica's ninth studio album, Death Magnetic.

Oright, here's the deal: Death Magnetic (henceforth shall be known as DM) to the tremendously disappointing, nay, downright abomination that is St. Anger. While everyone knows that Load and Reload were basically James Hetfield's foray into blues and country wrapped in a masquerading as Hard Rock, but St.Anger was so way off the mark I thought this was it; the end of it all. The production was really horrible; it was as though Lars Ulrich was really hitting upside down metal trash cans while the guitars were so chuggy that upping the bass on the equaliser would have made my table shake violently. James's singing was truly bad; hoarse and oftentimes completely out of tune. And the less mention of the non-existent solos the better.

Simply put, St.Anger was a career-ending move. All hope was gone.

And now we come to this, last year's "comeback" album. Of course, it's not fair to say that this is a comeback album ala Take That or Gayzone, whoops, Boyzone, because the boys didn't go anywhere. Instead, they embarked on tour after tour, with the newest addition to the band, bassist Robert "Look, Ma! I'm a spider!" Trujillo.

The key thing here is patience. A whole 70 minutes worth of it. The songs are long, some a tad bit too long for its own good, like Cyanide and the meandering instrumental, Suicide & Redemption (I know it ain't no The Call of Ktulu II, but at least do something a bit more interesting instead of playing the same 3 riffs ad nauseam). Also, the production needs to be addressed. I have an okay/not okay relationship with it. On some days, I actually kind of like it. Sometimes the horrible clipping and the loudness (it is friggin' loud) reminds me of fingernails scratching a black board.

Surprisingly, Lars delivers--by his standards--a solid performance. I'm no drummer, but what's with the abandonment of the ride cymbal? Tsk, tsk. And there's double bass! Whoop-dee-doo!

Overall, I have to admit to this: I like the album. A lot. I thought I was going to hate it but the Metallica boys have managed to exceed all my expectations. Of course, there are some things I wish they would improve on; chiefly, the length of the songs. I'd much rather have short songs that are high on energy than have songs that are 6 to 7 minutes long that tend to meander at the middle. Hetfield needs to ditch the country tendencies as well. This ain't no steak-and-grill-kinda band!

Now where did I put that I CD?

Initial Rating: 7/10

Current Rating: 8.5/10

If I wanted vanity, I would’ve just gone to the makeup department

Ten weeks can be like this, meh?

I kena con liao!*

Yes, my dear readers (a grand total of zero), I was duped. I should’ve known better. The author’s a darn Singaporean, lah!

Okay, okay, settle down. It’s my fault, honestly. I should’ve at least gone through the damn book, from the first page all the way to the last, before purchasing it. But I didn’t, obviously. I just took a cursory glance and that was it, thinking that I got a good deal.

I hate being wrong and poorer-er.

This book shows you how to lose weight and build the perfect body in—yes, you guessed it—10 body torturing, mind screwing, butt hurting weeks. I think. Anyway, the author is a former wushu world champion and as such, is fitter than the trainers in my gym. Combined. Not too mention also that the dude’s vainer (got such word, meh? Spellcheck didn’t show its squiggly red line, so…) than a group of wannabe Chinese girls who think showing non-existent cleavage is a turn-on for us males. It’s existent cleavage that we want to see!

And now back to the review. Ah, yes, probably the most lacking aspect of this book would be the exercises one needs to perform in order to have the body of a Roman warrior with serious shorts. Sure, there are pictorials showing you what and how to do the exercises but the problem is that he doesn’t tell what it’s for. Like, for instance, the bench press. We all know what a bench press is but do we really know its true purpose? He doesn’t provide a breakdown on which exercise works which muscle. It’s a shame, really, since newbies to the world of keeping in shape and wearing tight tights won’t know shit.

This book is half autobiographical and half whatever. At the end of the book, the author goes about telling us why he did that, why he didn’t do that and why fried chicken scares him into unleashing 665 (one more and he’ll have an exorcism) push-ups after consuming a single chicken wing. The language used is straight to the point, no fancy words except the terms used to describe a silly stance. It’s definitely more of a showcase rather than an educational book.

For the casual dude whose idea of working out is to be on the treadmill for 25 minutes and lift 15 pounds, this book and its tips would prove to be immensely difficult—nay, fucking difficult. IMO, this book is for the more advanced gym rat. I’ve been working out for the last 3 months and I still struggle like a cow up a steep slope trying to execute some of the more advanced moves. Must be the tight tights…

I highly recommend getting this book from Kevin Zahri, Fitness 24/7. If you’re Asian and living in food heaven Malaysia (Singapore don’t count, muahaha!), this book is for you. The writing’s a lot better (barring a few grammatical and misspellings here and there), the pictures whilst not as clear with some of them being rather dark are more informative and for almost the same price, it is also a much, much better buy.

Now if you’ll excuse, I’m going to do some push-ups.

* I knea con liao = I got conned, big time!

The Music of 2007

All right, onto the good stuff first, shall we?

Album of the Year (Metal):

1. Chimaira – Resurrection
2. Sigh – Hangman’s Hymn
3. Odious Mortem – Cryptic Implosion
4. Dark Tranquillity – Fiction
5. Dying Fetus – War of Attrition
6. Aborted – A Methodical Overture

Album Disappointments (some of these are utter bummers):

1. Machine Head – The Blackening
• This is by far the most disappointing album I’ve heard. Ever. This is a stinker of the highest order. I can’t believe how Robb Flynn and co managed to come up with such trite and hopeless songs.
2. Nile – Ithyphallic
• What do you get when you have 4 white guys playing Egyptian-themed brutal death metal? You get Nile. What happens when you put 4 white guys and have them come up with an incredibly feeble and pedestrian follow-up to a rather good album? You get this album.
3. Dream Theater – Systematic Chaos
• Oh, my lordy. This is by no means a bad album, but rather, it’s a terribly disappointing one. It has the makings of a truly special album but Mike Portnoy (I name him the main culprit simply because his influence on the band’s sound and direction is growing tremendously) contrives to come up with some pretty banal stuff.
4. Naglfar – Harvest
• The songs are insipid and lack a certain sense of evil unlike their previous album, Pariah, which had it in abundance. And the horrible production mars this further by making everything sound like the haze in Malaysia.
5. Susperia – Cut From Stone
• My fiends, this is how to not make a follow-up to an incredible album. This album has everything stamped with mediocrity and sterility.
6. Behemoth – The Apostasy
• Nergal once again tries to be more brutal than a pack of chickens running wild in a corn field. This is where brutality for the sake of brutality backfires.

Song of the Year (Metal):

1. Iced Earth – Framing Armageddon
• It’s fast. It’s heavy. It’s catchier than getting a cold in Alaska. This is THE song of 2007.
2. Chimaira – Resurrection
• Coming in a close second, Chimaira at long last unleash a song that shows what they’re truly capable of.
3. Black Sabbath – The Devil Cried
• Four words: Dio, Iommi, Butler, Appice. ‘Nuff said.
4. Helloween – Kill It
• These crazy Germans have done it again. Actually, I don’t know what they did but it seems to be working. Especially on this. Horrendous lyrics, though.
5. Odious Mortem – The Endless Regression of Mind
• Hands down, this has got one of the best death metal solos I’ve heard in a long time.
6. Dark Tranquillity – Focus Shift
• An atypical song from the lads from IKEA land. But it sure as heck rocks!
7. Sigh – Introitus/Kyrie
• Probably the most maniacal-sounding black metal vocals I’ve heard. And to think the dude eats sushi and then sings and…nevermind…
8. Apocalyptica – I’m Not Jesus
• It’s not what you think. Heck, it’s not what you think it isn’t either.
9. The Arcane Order – Infinite Ghost Anathema
• On first listen, you’ll think, hmm, where have I heard this before? The genre has been done to death but these lads have pulled together a top notch death/thrash song with enough élan to wipe a baby’s bottom.
10. Dominici – A New Hope
• The solo at the end is simply magnificent. Highly and criminally underrated.

Other Albums That Really Impressed Me (And I’m the kind of person that doesn’t get impressed easily):

1. Alter Bridge – Blackbird

o Seriously, this is the best rock album I’ve heard in a long, long time. It has everything; great vocals, great drumming, great riffs, and most importantly: great songs.

2. Porcupine Tree – Fear of a Blank Planet

o The band with one of the funniest-sounding band names, led by the ingenious Steven Wilson, once again proves they are the best progrock band currently.

3. Norah Jones – Not Too Late

o Like fine wine, Ms. Jones gets better. But only a little. She still sings way too breathy at times and her country-tinged ditties make me want to break out in line dance.

4. Michael Bublé – Call Me Irresponsible

Honourable Mentions (Basically these are songs that really impressed me but came out in different years):

1. Gorgoroth – Wound Upon Wound (2006)

o I used to think that black metal sucks. I still do. But not this band. It’s fast, full of hate and is downright fun! Last count in my iPod was 26 times it played. It took only 3 months. It’s that bloody good.

2. Estradasphere – Smuggled Mutation (2006)

o A beautifully savage beast of a ditty. It’ll make you smile benignly one minute and the next you’ll headbang wildly. Even if you have no hair.

3. Dream Theater – To Live Forever (1991 & 1994)

o There are two versions to this song but they’re the same, only the production differs. But they do have one thing in common: they both rule.

4. Arsis – The Face of My Innocence (2004)

o This song absolutely crushes. It’s not terribly fast but it’ll make your head spin with its tempo changes and jackhammer drumming.

5. Vanessa Mae - I'm A-doun For Lack O' Johnnie (A Little Scottish Fantasy)

o Heard this way back when it first came out. But it was only this year I decided to download get it. One word: Superb.

And there you have it. 2007 is pretty much the best year for music, personally.

Till the next time, laters!

Soothing Sounds of Music: Part 1

Some people take it out on a brat with a snotty face and a bad attitude. Some people use their cars as weapons of terror to bully other drivers. Others take up gardening, saying that pulling out weeds and seeing their flowers bloom right before their eyes sends them to their happy place. Painting has that same effect but for the life of me, I don’t get artists and their paintings where a stroke here means their consciousness discovered tranquillity while a flick there means their brains were about to explode and splatter all over the canvas to create a masterpiece but wait! There it is—a stroke of genius!

To alleviate stress, nothing sets my heart to beat at a normal rate faster than music (see the pun?). So I present to you “Chris’s Top 10 Songs That Make Chris Go to His Happy Place (where he extirpates the entire bunny race)”. In no particular order:

Dream Theater – Hell’s Kitchen

How could an instrumental that’s a little over 4 minutes beat Dream Theater’s other longer, decidedly more epic songs? Simple. This song encapsulates every single known good feeling during the course of its run. By the end of it you feel as though your spirit has been lifted to a whole new consciousness. Perfect for night drives when you just want to cruise.

Joe Satriani – Up in Flames (G3 Live in Tokyo version)

I had to choose between John Petrucci’s Glasgow Kiss and Steve Vai’s The Audience is Listening. While each song is totally different in tone and texture, all 3 are epics that send me dreaming about the good things in life. But Mr. Satriani gets the honour because not only did he make a great song superior in every way, he does it with sublime prowess.

Liquid Tension Experiment – Kindred Spirits

When you have 4 extremely gifted and bloody awesome musicians, you know that whatever they come up with is going to be magic. And magic they performed. They recorded their albums in a span of one week each and those sessions produced opuses of wonderful madness and intense creativity. This song has everything; killer melodies, awesome basslines, pounding drums and a powerful end. Seeing the likes of these 4 may not happen again. Truly magical.

Marc Antoine – Unity

I have to really thank my good friend Irwin for introducing me to this guy. When I was heavily into all things brutal, the thought of listening to Spanish-influenced acoustic guitar songs would have me reaching for a cleaver. I have all of his albums now. This was the first song of his I ever listened fully to and is still my no.1 favourite from this genius.

Michael Bublé – Home

BUBBLE? AHAHAH! All right, I’ll admit it. I too was guilty of maligning this poor Canadian’s name. But when I heard Elliot Yamin’s rendition in the last American Idol, I thought maybe I’ll give him a try. I bought the DVD + CD live album and when I got home, I played Home straightaway. I felt at peace and it made me appreciate my time with my loved ones even more. Please pass the tissue. I feel a tear coming…

Norah Jones – The Long Day is Over

Not since I inhaled copious amounts of smoke due to the haze, has there been anyone with a smoky and sweet voice made me happier. I find that if I listen to this whilst reading a good book, with the rain gently pouring and if I’m lucky, at night, I reach a place where all the bad doesn’t exist. Thank you Mr. Ravi Shanker.

Porcupine Tree – Arriving Somewhere But Not Here

I first heard of this band from one of the metal forums that I go to. I downloaded it without knowing a single thing about them other than the fact they’re quite known in the progressive rock fraternity. The MP3s were superb and after a while I just had to get the CD. The minute I played it, I was floored. The breakdown at about 6:57 remains one of the most headbangable moments of all time.

Rainbow – Stargazer

What do you get when you have a frontman the size of my grandma, a mad genius with 6 strings and an amp, together with a rhythm section tighter than a tight pair of Levi’s? Why, you get Rainbow! Yet another criminally underrated hard rock band of the 70’s, the Dio era saw 3 albums bearing songs that are hits and classics in their own right. But none are as sweeping or as staggering as Stargazer. It speaks of a journey like no other and when Dio sings, you listen. The pathos of Ritchie Blackmore provides the song with a grand atmosphere.

Whitesnake – Sailing Ships

David Coverdale may have been a podgy, pimply boy when he was indoctrinated into the ranks of Deep Purple, but when he left, left as a man wanting to front his own band in his own image. He always knew he was more of a blues singer but with Whitesnake he combined his roots with hard rock in a band that while is highly regarded, didn’t exactly achieve the success neither the legendary status of his former band. But screw that, Coverdale and co gave us the truly epic ballad, Sailing Ships. If I had a genie granting only one wish, I’d wish I could sing like him.

Wintersun – Battle Against Time

Deep in the forests of Tyr, beyond the fringes of the icy realms of Finland, comes this band from frontman extraordinaire Jaane Nokia with a sound that is described best as melodic brutal folk metal. It is sweepingly epic and it literally reminds me of a time when King Arthur and his knights roamed early Britain, smiting eeevell wherever eeevell dwells. Armour not included.

So there you have it. This list is definitely not definitive as I keep changing them every single day. And that to me is the beauty and power of music. You really never know what you listen next might be your new favourite. Thank you for reading. Now go and get ‘em, cos Chris Said So!

Special mentions go to:

Fear Factory – Resurrection (The ending has that triumphant feel I so love)

Borknagar – Colossus (Amazing vocals and fantastic melodies)

Apocalyptica – Epilogue (Relief) (they headbang while playing cellos!)

Mercenary – Firesoul (Danish pastries + soaring vocals = Brilliance)

Live – Lightning Crashes (A beautiful crescendo with evocative vocals)

Kamelot – Serenade (Cheesy band name aside, this song is remarkably exquisite)

Deep Purple – Soldier of Fortune (Beautiful)

Tool – The Grudge (the build up at around 6:00 is simply amazing)

Boston – More Than a Feeling (Seriously, not even Celine Dion could pull notes that long)

Rammstein – Mein Herz Brentt (Teutonic goodness!)

Arch Enemy – Black Earth

Forget everything you know about melodies, catchier-than-a-pack-of-hyenas-laughing choruses and half-baked solos. This, my friends, is the real Arch Enemy.

Newer listeners, especially to the band’s more recent (craptastic) output, may think to themselves, why on earth is this fellow saying that this is the real thing? I’ll tell you why. Because I said so, mah! All right. That was lame and cheap but it was kind of funny, aye? Anyhow, if you had gotten into the band as early as I did, then you’ll probably understand where I’m coming from.

The two guitarists, brothers Michael and Christopher Amott, were fast gaining recognition and plaudits as the twin guitar wizards to look out for. And rightly so. While Michael was previously in the legendary Carcass, his brother made his debut here. But you wouldn’t have known that. Together, they tear through 9 tracks of blistering, melodic as heck metal. Or to put it shortly, melodic death metal, which funnily enough isn’t really death metal at all. But let’s not get into that, for the debate shall rage on and on and I would’ve run out of tea by then.

The thing about this album is that it’s heavier than heck; with its guitar tone that sounds as though it was made from Thor’s hammer while the drums pound your ears into submission. But the one aspect of the band that got the most flak about was the vocals, No vocals that sound as though a woman was doing it. The vocals here sound like a dog’s bark. A rather large, black, vicious-looking dog. Personally, the dude sounded like a bear. One very big, very pissed and very vicious-looking bear. To many, his “singing” was monotonous and dull. What they did expect? Friggin’ Bruce Dickinson? This is how it’s supposed to sound, not some woman who sounds like an evil 12-year-old.

Bury Me An Angel is by far one of the most crushing openers ever. Mind you, this is 1996 but the production on this puts latter efforts to shame. I’ve already mentioned that the guitars are heavier than heck and the aforementioned proves me right. If you think shouting “I love you” in a metal song is weird, try listening to Eureka. One thing I love about the album is the solos. They are distinct and fitting to each song. Cosmic Retribution even has a Spanish-influenced interlude that throws you off for a moment but when the carnage resumes, you remember why your head feels heavy. Transmigration Macabre is a fun song; heavy and brutal and underneath the rhythm is a pounding, almost old-skool death metal sound to it. Closing song, Fields of Desolation, is by far their best song to date. It’s huge. It’s dark. It’s grand. The main riff alone makes their more recent efforts sound like goddamn Linkin Park. I’m a sucker for a great metal song with great drumming and a great ending solo. This has it all but turned all the way to 11. It’s too bad that the solo had to fade away towards the end. I would’ve been happier than a pack of hungry wolves chomping on a moose.

This is one of those rate albums that when you press Play, you can leave it and listen to all the songs without skipping. Of course, it’s also pretty short. Clocking in at slightly over 32 minutes on the original version, the re-released version bumps it up to nearly 43 minutes. But that shouldn’t be much of a problem. You can always listen to it again.

Initial Rating: 7/10

Current Rating: 8.5/10