Soothing Sounds of Music: Part 1

Some people take it out on a brat with a snotty face and a bad attitude. Some people use their cars as weapons of terror to bully other drivers. Others take up gardening, saying that pulling out weeds and seeing their flowers bloom right before their eyes sends them to their happy place. Painting has that same effect but for the life of me, I don’t get artists and their paintings where a stroke here means their consciousness discovered tranquillity while a flick there means their brains were about to explode and splatter all over the canvas to create a masterpiece but wait! There it is—a stroke of genius!

To alleviate stress, nothing sets my heart to beat at a normal rate faster than music (see the pun?). So I present to you “Chris’s Top 10 Songs That Make Chris Go to His Happy Place (where he extirpates the entire bunny race)”. In no particular order:

Dream Theater – Hell’s Kitchen

How could an instrumental that’s a little over 4 minutes beat Dream Theater’s other longer, decidedly more epic songs? Simple. This song encapsulates every single known good feeling during the course of its run. By the end of it you feel as though your spirit has been lifted to a whole new consciousness. Perfect for night drives when you just want to cruise.

Joe Satriani – Up in Flames (G3 Live in Tokyo version)

I had to choose between John Petrucci’s Glasgow Kiss and Steve Vai’s The Audience is Listening. While each song is totally different in tone and texture, all 3 are epics that send me dreaming about the good things in life. But Mr. Satriani gets the honour because not only did he make a great song superior in every way, he does it with sublime prowess.

Liquid Tension Experiment – Kindred Spirits

When you have 4 extremely gifted and bloody awesome musicians, you know that whatever they come up with is going to be magic. And magic they performed. They recorded their albums in a span of one week each and those sessions produced opuses of wonderful madness and intense creativity. This song has everything; killer melodies, awesome basslines, pounding drums and a powerful end. Seeing the likes of these 4 may not happen again. Truly magical.

Marc Antoine – Unity

I have to really thank my good friend Irwin for introducing me to this guy. When I was heavily into all things brutal, the thought of listening to Spanish-influenced acoustic guitar songs would have me reaching for a cleaver. I have all of his albums now. This was the first song of his I ever listened fully to and is still my no.1 favourite from this genius.

Michael Bublé – Home

BUBBLE? AHAHAH! All right, I’ll admit it. I too was guilty of maligning this poor Canadian’s name. But when I heard Elliot Yamin’s rendition in the last American Idol, I thought maybe I’ll give him a try. I bought the DVD + CD live album and when I got home, I played Home straightaway. I felt at peace and it made me appreciate my time with my loved ones even more. Please pass the tissue. I feel a tear coming…

Norah Jones – The Long Day is Over

Not since I inhaled copious amounts of smoke due to the haze, has there been anyone with a smoky and sweet voice made me happier. I find that if I listen to this whilst reading a good book, with the rain gently pouring and if I’m lucky, at night, I reach a place where all the bad doesn’t exist. Thank you Mr. Ravi Shanker.

Porcupine Tree – Arriving Somewhere But Not Here

I first heard of this band from one of the metal forums that I go to. I downloaded it without knowing a single thing about them other than the fact they’re quite known in the progressive rock fraternity. The MP3s were superb and after a while I just had to get the CD. The minute I played it, I was floored. The breakdown at about 6:57 remains one of the most headbangable moments of all time.

Rainbow – Stargazer

What do you get when you have a frontman the size of my grandma, a mad genius with 6 strings and an amp, together with a rhythm section tighter than a tight pair of Levi’s? Why, you get Rainbow! Yet another criminally underrated hard rock band of the 70’s, the Dio era saw 3 albums bearing songs that are hits and classics in their own right. But none are as sweeping or as staggering as Stargazer. It speaks of a journey like no other and when Dio sings, you listen. The pathos of Ritchie Blackmore provides the song with a grand atmosphere.

Whitesnake – Sailing Ships

David Coverdale may have been a podgy, pimply boy when he was indoctrinated into the ranks of Deep Purple, but when he left, left as a man wanting to front his own band in his own image. He always knew he was more of a blues singer but with Whitesnake he combined his roots with hard rock in a band that while is highly regarded, didn’t exactly achieve the success neither the legendary status of his former band. But screw that, Coverdale and co gave us the truly epic ballad, Sailing Ships. If I had a genie granting only one wish, I’d wish I could sing like him.

Wintersun – Battle Against Time

Deep in the forests of Tyr, beyond the fringes of the icy realms of Finland, comes this band from frontman extraordinaire Jaane Nokia with a sound that is described best as melodic brutal folk metal. It is sweepingly epic and it literally reminds me of a time when King Arthur and his knights roamed early Britain, smiting eeevell wherever eeevell dwells. Armour not included.

So there you have it. This list is definitely not definitive as I keep changing them every single day. And that to me is the beauty and power of music. You really never know what you listen next might be your new favourite. Thank you for reading. Now go and get ‘em, cos Chris Said So!

Special mentions go to:

Fear Factory – Resurrection (The ending has that triumphant feel I so love)

Borknagar – Colossus (Amazing vocals and fantastic melodies)

Apocalyptica – Epilogue (Relief) (they headbang while playing cellos!)

Mercenary – Firesoul (Danish pastries + soaring vocals = Brilliance)

Live – Lightning Crashes (A beautiful crescendo with evocative vocals)

Kamelot – Serenade (Cheesy band name aside, this song is remarkably exquisite)

Deep Purple – Soldier of Fortune (Beautiful)

Tool – The Grudge (the build up at around 6:00 is simply amazing)

Boston – More Than a Feeling (Seriously, not even Celine Dion could pull notes that long)

Rammstein – Mein Herz Brentt (Teutonic goodness!)

Arch Enemy – Black Earth

Forget everything you know about melodies, catchier-than-a-pack-of-hyenas-laughing choruses and half-baked solos. This, my friends, is the real Arch Enemy.

Newer listeners, especially to the band’s more recent (craptastic) output, may think to themselves, why on earth is this fellow saying that this is the real thing? I’ll tell you why. Because I said so, mah! All right. That was lame and cheap but it was kind of funny, aye? Anyhow, if you had gotten into the band as early as I did, then you’ll probably understand where I’m coming from.

The two guitarists, brothers Michael and Christopher Amott, were fast gaining recognition and plaudits as the twin guitar wizards to look out for. And rightly so. While Michael was previously in the legendary Carcass, his brother made his debut here. But you wouldn’t have known that. Together, they tear through 9 tracks of blistering, melodic as heck metal. Or to put it shortly, melodic death metal, which funnily enough isn’t really death metal at all. But let’s not get into that, for the debate shall rage on and on and I would’ve run out of tea by then.

The thing about this album is that it’s heavier than heck; with its guitar tone that sounds as though it was made from Thor’s hammer while the drums pound your ears into submission. But the one aspect of the band that got the most flak about was the vocals, No vocals that sound as though a woman was doing it. The vocals here sound like a dog’s bark. A rather large, black, vicious-looking dog. Personally, the dude sounded like a bear. One very big, very pissed and very vicious-looking bear. To many, his “singing” was monotonous and dull. What they did expect? Friggin’ Bruce Dickinson? This is how it’s supposed to sound, not some woman who sounds like an evil 12-year-old.

Bury Me An Angel is by far one of the most crushing openers ever. Mind you, this is 1996 but the production on this puts latter efforts to shame. I’ve already mentioned that the guitars are heavier than heck and the aforementioned proves me right. If you think shouting “I love you” in a metal song is weird, try listening to Eureka. One thing I love about the album is the solos. They are distinct and fitting to each song. Cosmic Retribution even has a Spanish-influenced interlude that throws you off for a moment but when the carnage resumes, you remember why your head feels heavy. Transmigration Macabre is a fun song; heavy and brutal and underneath the rhythm is a pounding, almost old-skool death metal sound to it. Closing song, Fields of Desolation, is by far their best song to date. It’s huge. It’s dark. It’s grand. The main riff alone makes their more recent efforts sound like goddamn Linkin Park. I’m a sucker for a great metal song with great drumming and a great ending solo. This has it all but turned all the way to 11. It’s too bad that the solo had to fade away towards the end. I would’ve been happier than a pack of hungry wolves chomping on a moose.

This is one of those rate albums that when you press Play, you can leave it and listen to all the songs without skipping. Of course, it’s also pretty short. Clocking in at slightly over 32 minutes on the original version, the re-released version bumps it up to nearly 43 minutes. But that shouldn’t be much of a problem. You can always listen to it again.

Initial Rating: 7/10

Current Rating: 8.5/10

Behemoth – Demigod

This album is like eating one of your favourite chocolate bars. Only that it’s too little and is a bit old. I get that feeling every time I listen to this.

When I first heard Behemoth way back in 2002, I thought they were going to be the best death metal band. They are certainly more recognised now, that’s for sure. But are they better? It’s mostly yeses but there are some nos. On the brutal side of things, they’ve raised their game ten-fold. Inferno now pounds his drums to oblivion as opposed to gently whacking the crap out of it on previous occasions and the guitars are much faster now. In terms of songwriting, though, well, let’s talk a look, shall we?

The first thing you’ll notice after the first few seconds of obligatory silence is how clean and clear it sounds. And because of that, the most annoying aspect of this album is the multi-layered vocals. The clarity of the production makes it sound as though there are three Nergals. To put it into perspective, imagine a Nergal to your left, a Nergal to your right and a Nergal right in front of you. Not nice at all, I'm pretty sure of it. For the uninitiated, this may seem the epitome of brutality. After all, since it’s brutal and intimidating to have a dude bark his lungs out, then why not have more, right? Wrong. For a seasoned listener such as I, this merely annoys the heck out of me. And the solos? Let’s just say that the band needs someone who can unleash them with more force because their solos are quite frankly forgettable.

But it is the songs that leave me with a bitterer aftertaste. Gone are the longer, more thought-out songs from previous album, Zos Kia Cultus (Here and Beyond), in its place are songs that focus on brutality and more brutality. I have no problems with brutality, but, in my opinion, Nergal is way too smart to employ such trite tactics to try and jig things up. Towards Babylon, Xul and Slaves Shall Serve are songs that will pummel your head in but by the time you press Stop you’re hankering for more; so you grab your old Morbid Angel album. Memorable? Here and there. But the most disappointing song has got be The Reign Ov Shemsu-Hor. It starts off with some nice tribal beats and the main riff is pretty good. At slightly over 8 minutes long you’d think this is going to epic. It doesn’t. Not even near. It’s overwrought, bloated and mismatched. Brutal bit here, melody underneath it, multi-layered vocals here, and the awful ending with the silly blasting just makes it rubbish. And not even the usage of the kvlt word Ov helps.

Some have unflatteringly called them the Polish version of Nile. I call them the band with so much potential but in their valiant efforts to be very “death metal,” they forget to write timeless classics. Mind you, their material is hard to play and imitate but there’s nothing uniquely binding to it. But to be fair, the blame rests on the shoulders on mainman, Nergal. He’s talented, hardworking and is a pretty darn good frontman. (I’ve seen some of the live stuff and he speaks with such authoritative force you can’t help but want to whack the person next to you if he commands you to.) But from listening to this I get the impression that that he’s holding back.

What a shame.

Initial Rating: 8/10

Current Rating: 4/10

"We must fight, to run away!"

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

It just goes to show that you can’t just rely on old tricks and trite hey-I-think-I-know-this-from-somewhere scenarios to make moviegoers forget that the movie they’re currently watching is actually poorly thought-out, lacklustre and completely disappointing. This is a movie that is destined to be a guaranteed cash cow that will leave audiences either clamouring for more or relieved that this shit is finally over. I think you know which side I’m on.

I remember leaving the cinema feeling excited and truly entertained after the first one. Johnny Depp really made an impact and his eccentricities were such a highlight for me that I even copied some of his mannerisms. Yes, even that running style. It certainly was the role of a lifetime for him. In this, however, his character is reduced to a caricature of the first film. The trademark eccentrics are still there, yes, but there’s only so much flailing and funny faces one can pull to salvage a goner. I really wanted to like his performance but I left the hall feeling cheated.

I hate when films try to be too smart, just look at the final Matrix movie. It, too, suffered from a storyline that got bloated with trying to cram in as much as possible. Haven’t these people heard of the saying, Sometimes less is more? The second POTC had some of the best action sequences in recent times, and even though it was a disappointment for me, it still was somewhat tolerable. This one made me want to doze off. (And I really couldn’t for there was this amorous young couple who couldn’t stop doing things to each other, which further sullied my watching experience. I wanted to murder them.) There was just far too many double-crossing going on that it made keeping track of them a tedious affair. One minute they’re double-crossing one pirate and the next they get double-crossed and the next…With pointless subplots involving Keira Knightley reprising her Pride and Prejudice role only swords and Orlando ‘Where are my elf ears?’ Bloom, the whole movie became diluted with convolution.

Surprisingly, Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa made this otherwise insipid and confusticating movie watchable with his very pirate-y performance. He is what I think pirates would’ve been like: charismatic, cantankerous and inspirational to those around him. Plus, his pirate-y voice is spot on though there were times I couldn’t understand him. The rest were made to look pretty and the fake smudges on the likes of Bloom and Knightley made more fake.

It really is too bad that it has to “end” (the next one better be good, but in all honesty, I hope it doesn’t materialise) this way. This was an absolute waste of 3 hours.

PS: I don’t get it, but please, please tell me what the hell is so funny when Chow Yun-Fat utters the soon-to-be copied by many idiots phrase of, “Welcome to Singapore.” As a Malaysian, I don’t see how this can make you laugh out loud. I guess if he said Welcome to Malaysia instead we would have banned it for, blimey, thinking that Malaysia is a haven for Chinese pirates who strangely love to have baths in little wooden bathtubs.

Vader – Litany

What do you get when you combine a thick Polish accent which leads to a lot of mispronounced words with songs under the 3-minute mark yet is packed to the brim?

This album.

The very first thing you notice (and feel) when you press Play is the colossal wall of sound coming out of your speakers. Then, you sense the floor shake a bit. The glass of water beside your bed is precariously sliding down, threatening to spill its contents. You grab it in the nick of time but by then your bodily functions cease to obey your commands. Your head starts headbanging rapidly while your arms and legs start flailing like a yoga instructor on crack.

There are couple of things one needs to do first in order to listen to this without having to call the paramedics and possibly, the furniture shop: restrain yourself from watching American Idol, don’t see cute things and most importantly, eat something. An empty is the bane of any headbanging session. You don’t want to see the pizza you ate an hour ago come out looking nothing like the aforesaid pizza, do you?

Now sit back and imagine, if you will, a bass drum the size of a small buffalo. Next, with that image in your mind’s eye, picture two bass drums the size of a small buffalo. That image in your head probably best represents Doc’s bass drum because the sound is ginormous. Some say it’s too much and drowns the other instruments. I say bring it on! Playing this album at high volumes produces an effect somewhat similar to the power of a small earthquake. With opening song, Wings, pounding your speakers, your body is left to ponder, when will it end? The answer lies nearly 30 minutes later as Vader unleash 10 more songs to damage your hearing and cause severe trauma to your sanity.

Frontman Peter (possibly the most un-death metal of names) leads his merry bandmates to uncover ways in which to punish those who choose to listen to their death-thrash laden, clear vocal approach (and I don’t mean clear in the Dream Theater sense, only that Peter’s delivery is not of the barking helldog variety) brand of Polish death metal. When you say Poland, you think of, well, carpentry, but these boys pummel you with their onslaught of death metal goodness. Peter’s songs are not meant for cerebral dissection at Mensa parties. This is how good death metal is played: fast, brutal and leaves you begging for more. Some long-time fans have said that the material here is tepid and uninspired compared to their earlier releases. It’s their lost, I guess. I love the fact that I can spin this, and for the next half hour or so I will be thoroughly entranced.

Of course, my hearing may take a severe beating and my neighbours may contemplate calling the cops but there’s no way you can play this softly. It’ll be like trying to bake a cake with a toaster. It just wouldn’t work, right?

This review is in memory of Doc (R.I.P). May your drums batter the Metal Gods!

Initial Review: 8/10

Current Review: 8/10